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Recently my grandma has been insisting on having 2 cups of coffee every morning and without fail she can't make it in time and poops herself before she can sit on the toilet. It's insanely stressful and time consuming the clean up. 1-3 times a week this happens. She demands I give her the coffee for her energy, but if I took it away, she would stop having accidents. I just don't know what to do anymore.

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Give it to her on a tray in the bathroom.
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I must assume you have already proved your surmise by removing the coffee and having grandma make it just fine? Because I haven't heard of this. I have heard it for cigarette, but not for coffee?
How about that second cup gets served in the bathroom. Just keep if pleasant, add a cafe table with book and puzzle, and pretend she's out for a cuppa.
Seriously I don't think I have an answer to this one.
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MJ1929 May 2022
Lots of people swear by coffee to "get things moving" in the morning. Some think it's the caffeine, and some think it's just hot water.

My mother HAD to drink a glass of hot tap water immediately after getting up every morning, or she was sure everything would back up for all time. This started after she was prohibited from drinking her daily usual pot of coffee by a pesky ulcer.
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First I have to say that thank God she's still pooping every day. That is what the human body is supposed to do daily to rid it of waste.
The opposite, constipation is much worse and very harmful for the person suffering with it, so be very careful what you wish for.
Grandma should be able to have her 2 cups of coffee if she so chooses. You may want to just have a bedside commode nearby when she finishes her coffee, so she won't have to walk so far to use the bathroom, or it may just be time to hire an aide to come in(with her money)to assist her and clean her up if needed.
Does grandma at least wear a Depends so the poop is at least contained? If not I would start there.
Best wishes.
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sp19690 May 2022
This person isn't even 21 years old. It's not their problem if grandma has a bowel movement daily. And having to clean up feces 3 or more times a week is disgusting. Grandma should have more pride to not eat or drink things that make her soil herself.
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My Mom had Dementia and I cut out her coffee. Really because of Gerd she wasn't suppose to be drinking it. My DH and I don't drink coffee so not even in the house.

I would cut out at least a cup and see what happens. I have cleaned up messes and gagged the whole time. If GrandMom not wearing pullups maybe she should. I found apple juice a problem too.
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Yeah, no. Sorry but grandma is not 'entitled' to anything if you are the one forced to clean up the blowouts resulting from it. She can wear pull up Depends, get served her coffee on a tray in the bathroom like MJ suggested, or she can do away with the coffee entirely, her choice. What's happening now is unacceptable, so something's gotta give!
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Give her one cup, diluted with 1/4 hot water = Cafe Americano.
She might not even notice.
You can also add 1/2 decaffeinated coffee grounds to the regular grounds.

She should drink it and then go to the bathroom right after.
Or, take it in the bathroom, which was a good idea!

She gets the second cup after a BM.
"The doctor said, instead of giving up coffee all together, that you can have your coffee one hour apart to help your energy."

She may enjoy the new recipe:
1/2 cup coffee, 1/2 cup decaf coffee (grounds are mixed). Brew it.
Then add hot boiling water, up to 1/4 cup and no one will notice.

Make sure she is not having diarrhea.

I found this:
"Coffee served at a cooler temperature may not create the same poop problems as a piping hot cup."
"You’ll also want to ensure that your coffee has a low acid content. The acidity of coffee varies, but some coffee is made in a way that reduces acid. Low acid coffee makes a cup of joe easier on your stomach (and your toilet)."
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Sorry granny no coffee. I think it's time granny went into a facility then she can drink as much coffee as she wants and you wont have to clean up the mess.

Honestly you are too young to be having to take care of your grandmother. Live your life and tell your mom or grandma's childrwn they need to step up and take over her care.
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Coffee ☕😁
Moop ☕💩😁

But if 2 cups causes a Moop Bio-Hazard
☕☕ = 💩💩💩💩 ☢️😭 I think it wise to reduce to ONE cup.

Now if Grandma makes her own coffee (independently) & does not reason the above equation - spell it out.

If she is not able to reason/comprehend & you are team clean-up - hide the coffee. Morning Coffee making becomes a *supervised activity*.

If you are making the coffee for Grandma - you are allowed to say no.

You could ask if Grandma feels constipated? Is she using coffee as a regulator? She could speak to her Pharmacist & probably get something milder for that. Eg Senna in the evenings.
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I’d switch her completely to decaf and if she still has a problem, no more. If she needs something to help poop, miralax in a glass of hot water or some other liquid will do the job. Talk to her doctor. You don’t have to do what she says. Now you’re the adult in charge. Sorry, I know it’s miserable.
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