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I am /will be her caregiver she almost gets jealous if I talk to one of her neighbors. She gets resentful when I try to give her 'tough love'. When I'm here she doesn't do anything. I have to shop, cook, clean. She is entirely able to do some light things around the house. She is getting stranger every day. I realize she has the horrible feeling that she is stage 4 and will die soon. Any thoughts?

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Sometimes stroke brings on vascular dementia, which results in what looks like mental issues.

Has she been assessed by a geriatric psychiatrist? That would be the best course of action.
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I believe that in all likelihood what BarbinBrooklyn has said is dead on. Your Mom's stroke has likely caused some vascular dementia. If this is the case, "tough love" would be somewhat of a joke. People with dementia are completely unable to act and react within the rules and norms, as they are not a part of how their brains function anymore. I am sorry for this Stage 4 diagnosis, but with untreated breast cancer you could also well be looking at a spread of cancer to the brain. Breast cancer most often metastasizes to bones, lungs and brain. This would also cause a mind that is unable to react in the normal manner.
I do not know what medical followup you are getting for your Mom? I hope her papers are all in order already for her to be represented by you in her behalf when she is unable to do so. If you have some scans it may well tell you when it is close to the time for you to call in hospice care to assist both you and Mom with this last stage of her life. I am so sorry for all you are both going through. It has to be so very difficult for you.
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ktk5858 Dec 2019
Thanks for the reality check. CT's and biopsy this week. God bless you and yours Keith
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I am sorry that you are losing your mom.

My sister died of untreated breast cancer and before she died it had metastasized to her bones and her brain, it got very funky before it was over. So be mindful that she could be experiencing something similar.

Sometimes we just have to say no. It is okay to keep boundaries with a dying person.
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ktk5858 Dec 2019
Thanks. Thanks for the boundary reminder. My oldest daughter is type 2 bi polar with borderline personality disorder so I am terribly familiar with what I have to do. Just didn't translate it to mom. God bless you and yours Keith
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