Looking for advice for unusual bathing problem. Can anybody recommend soft wash mitts that can't be taken off in the shower?

She probably needs a good mental workup and perhaps a mild sedative that will calm her down. You aren't going to get her to understand that her hair follicles are not dirt. She doesn't 'understand' what's right there in front of her anymore.

Has she been dxed with dementia? Good thing to look into.

As far as some soft mitts to wear, I'd just hit google or Amazon and start looking for some very soft gloves or mitts for showers. And make sure she has extremely gentle soaps and body washes. After these epic showers (!) make sure she has access to a very hydrating body lotion.

The problem is mental--lack of basic knowledge. She likely won't get that back, so stop trying to 'change' what is now the new norm.

I think a gentle sedative to calm her down, maybe some music playing while she showers, and calm, gentle voices helping her to not over clean could help.

That is unusual for an elder with dementia to willingly shower weekly let alone daily.
There are such devices like protective the protective mitts that a person cannot remove themselves that prevent them from hurting themselves. I had a homecare client who had to wear the mitts all the time. They were ordered online for around 30 dollars. Before my client's family were willing to spend the money and order the protective mitts, we were using oven mitts secured with duct tape that were removed for periods of time like when she was washed and fed.
I'm going to assume that since she's mostly non-verbal that her dementia is at a point where she can't shower herself unassisted. Is she still mobile? If not then stop showering her daily. A good sponge bath will be enough. For now what you will have to start doing is shut the water off after you've adequately cleaned her up. No more two hours in the shower. She will probably become agitated and upset but that will be far easier on her than how she's harming herself now.
Her doctor may be able to prescribe medications to help with her agitation. Order the protective mitts though. She won't have to be in the mitts 24 hours a day. You can keep them off until she starts picking at her hair and skin. Then put them back on. The protective mitts will be a godsend for you both.

I don’t think mitts are your answer. She needs medication to calm her OCD

The hot water heater can be turned off to allow for shorter showers.

The water supply can be adjusted or even turned off at a certain point.

There are medications for OCD behaviors. Ask the doctor.

An alarm can be set across the room from the shower, so she must get out to turn it off.

Supervised or assisted showering may be necessary now. Interrupt, redirect her thought process in a nice creative way.

Even with lots of medication, my aunt who had Alzheimer's would not stop her repetitive behaviors of scratching her head bald. This came late in the AD stages when she was about a year away from dying.

You will need to find a way to refuse her demands for daily showers and to close off the bathroom that contains a shower or a tub, and either have her use a potty chair or a water closet where she cannot see a shower stall. Long periods of time in water contributes heavily to dry skin and increases the urge to pick and scratch, etc. It's not recommended for a dementia sufferer to bathe more than 3x per week at most.

And even still, this only addresses the behavior that goes on while bathing. There is still the other behaviors that go on while she's not bathing that will destroy her skin. Call the doctor to see if medication can be prescribed to curb the OCD that's compelling her to rub & scratch, etc. Expecting her to wear mitts is unrealistic as it's likely she will immediately remove them! Dementia sufferers are very unhappy wearing ANY extra items on their bodies.

Placement for your MIL would solve the issue of bathing for hours on end b/c it would not be permitted in a managed care environment. It would not, however, solve the other behaviors that she is exhibiting. Ask the doctor what he recommends (in addition to medication) if he is experienced with dementia behaviors in general. If not, I would find a new doctor who is.

When dementia reaches a certain stage, 24 hour per day supervision in managed care (usually) becomes a requirement. You may want to look into Memory Care or Skilled Nursing at this point.

Here is a Google link to 'scratching & rubbing compulsively' that will give you a lot of reading material to look over:

https://www.google.com/search?q=scratching+%26+rubbing+compulsively+with+dementia&rlz=1C1CHBD_enUS896US896&oq=scratching+%26+rubbing+compulsively+with+dementia&aqs=chrome..69i57j33i10i160.13886j1j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Wishing you the best of luck with a very difficult situation.

oh my, this has to be very disturbing to her. She needs anti anxiety meds, or, if she’s on them perhaps increase the dose?

Bath mitts will only exacerbate the problem since they actually increase friction.

I would try to shorten the bathing process since she is probably drying her skin out the the point of it becoming itchy. Try supervising the bath and when she is done, get her to dry off and spend more time applying a mild, creamy lotion to her body. There are leave in conditioners for her hair that may help the skin on her head to feel better.

If she is tending to irritate her skin outside of bath time, try giving her more lotion to apply during those times. Also consider distraction techniques to get her to focus on other activities throughout the day. Some people have found success with a mild anti-anxiety medication to relieve the sypmptoms.

Yes, picking, scratching and rubbing is something my 96 yr old Dad does.

He gets sponge baths now so no problems in the shower.

I would just set a timer for 10 minutes and cut the water off.

It's just going to dry out her skin.

My Dad seem to stop scratching and picking when I applied organuc coconut oil all over every day.

Old peoples skin gets really dry and itches and taking long showers every day makes it worse.

If she's bald on one side and thinks her hair is dirt, shave her head and she won't feel any more dirt, just a smooth head.

Mare sure you put coconut oil all on her arms, face, ect whatever area she picks at. Tell her it's medicine.

My Dad seemed to pick less when the coconut oil is applied.

I believe the less meds the better.

My 96 yr old Dad isn't on any meds unless he gets a UTI which is a urinary infection from his cathiter.

The only meds I would consider is pain meds if he ever gets in pain.

MEd's just causes other side effects which makes you have to take more meds which causes more side effects...just a vicious cycle..

Play soothing music for her.

GI've her things to do, even helping you fold a hand towel, my dad likes to do that only he gets tired after finding one.

Give her a nice foot massage, my dad loves them and it puts him right to sleep.

Last stage Caregiving is very hard and can drive you crazy but try to treat them how you would want to be treated.
Remember it's not forever.
When loved one passes away,, you will know you did all you could and have no regrets..

Prayers


Prayers

This may not be the solution to your problem but I found fiber car wash mitts at Dollar Tree. They are soft but still might be a problem with fragile skin. They have a large elastic band to keep them on your hand. A disadvantage is that they are small.

Please speak with your doctor. S/he may refer you to a psychopharmacologist because this is a mental disorder triggered by dementia. It is like OCD and there are special medications for it. Perhaps you have heard of people washing, picking and engaging in other such habits even though they don’t have dementia. The only real relief is medication for OCD

That sounds horrible. Usually people with dementia become afraid of water, so at least she wants to bath. You need to research re-directing tactics. Someone needs to kindly re-direct the behavior by changing how she washes. If she keeps scrubbing one area, tell her about a different area to wash. Do it excitingly, positively, kindly and gently. Then praise her if she listens. Just one tactic, but sometimes you have to keep trying things to find what works. Don't ever force her or get angry. That never works with dementia patients. If you wants mitts, you can research medical supply stores. There are mitts made for this type of behavior like those that keep tearing their skin off. Good luck.

Wow, 2 hour showers, daily even! So many write that they can't get a LO to bathe or shower at all! I agree with others that 2 hours is pretty excessive.

Usually there is a shut off valve that would be in the room, but might not be easily accessible (this house did NOT have any, so while refurbishing I am having them added.)

IF she is showering and is relatively clean (10-15 min?), have your husband shut off the main water supply to the house. No more water, perhaps she can be coaxed out to dry and be done. Shutting off the water heater suggested by someone could take too long to end the shower and would take too much energy and time to heat up again!

This link has some information about this type of condition (Dermatillomania):

https://www.theadvocate.com/baton_rouge/entertainment_life/health_fitness/article_d3c5034c-91d2-11e8-bfd4-0f91075018f9.html

This link has some information AND some non-prescription treatments:

https://www.alzheimerslab.com/skin-picking-in-alzheimers-patients/

The "natural" treatments will NOT treat the underlying disorder. This one does mention how this is an OCD behavior and because of dementia the normal "therapy" session isn't going to change anything. I don't like using medications if there is a more natural way around treatment, but in this case, she IS going to end up with some serious issues. Shaving her hair off might help with the scalp, but not with her skin. She could start on the other hair follicles. The fidget items are suggested, as are gloves, but they will only work for a while, if she will even comply. My mother didn't have this condition, however she DID bruise her shin and developed cellulitis.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cellulitis/symptoms-causes/syc-20370762#:~:text=Cellulitis%20(sel%2Du%2DLIE,face%2C%20arms%20and%20other%20areas.
"Cellulitis usually affects the skin on the lower legs, but it can occur in the face, arms and other areas. It occurs when a crack or break in your skin allows bacteria to enter.
Left untreated, the infection can spread to your lymph nodes and bloodstream and rapidly become life-threatening."

Because mom never said anything, we don't know how long it festered, but it took TWO rounds of antibiotics, wound care and compression stocking.

Since your MIL is elderly and damaging her skin, she could end up developing cellulitis or other infection. The older we get, the thinner and more sensitive our skin is. With her constantly abrading her scalp and face, I would discuss with her doctor and consider some kind of anti-anxiety medication. When my mother was moved to MC, they used Lorazepam, mildest dose, during the transition. I managed her meds and finances, so I know it was not refilled. Later she used it again due to UTI-induced sun-downing. Mildest dose both times. During the second round, I was able to observe her, being there various times of the day. She was never "doped" up or drowsy, it was just enough to take the "edge" off. The other nice things about this medication is it worked first time, every time and we didn't have to wean her off of it when it was no longer needed.

This link discusses some of the issues, including cellulitis and medication:

https://www.healthline.com/health/picking-scabs#takeaway

Summary:
Try to cut the showers down to 15-20 m by shutting the main water off.
Perhaps try to limit the showers to every other day.
Consult with her doctor regarding an anti-anxiety medication.
Try some of the "natural" treatments on her skin.
Consider shaving her head.
Continue using any "fidget" items, introduce more.
Perhaps try some "busy" activities, like folding towels, when done, give more!
Consider mitts, but don't force the issue.
Be VERY aware of infections.

Imho, two-hour showers seem excessive and time should be amended via a water shut-off valve. Also, the skin picking and rubbing is no doubt dementia related and she could be seen by her specialist.

This behavior really sounds like more like OCD than anything else. My mom was diagnosed with severe OCD which led to Major Depressive Disorder. She was in the geriatric psychiatric ward at UCLA for 2 weeks in 2018 where they tried medication however it was not the right meds and she was admitted again 10 months later and was there for 5 weeks. We ended up starting ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) along with Latuda and Zoloft and that saved her life. She had also been diagnosed with mild/moderate Dementia. She is still doing ECT every 4 months. This has truly been a lifesaver.

Imho, I wanted to add that this behavior pattern may be just that, a pattern if you will - a habit that may be hard to break. I once knew a woman who had developed a habit (not a good one) of hair pulling. She, quite literally, pulled every hair (almost) out of her head until she was almost bald. She had to seek counseling to stop.
Good luck to your mother in law.