Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Hi SharShar - I'll put it this way ....I think it's UNFAIR for a parent to actually think otherwise. To feel so entitled as to think that they shouldn't have planned for their senior years, and if one of their children is so thoughtful and selfless in taking them into their home and take care of them, then absolutely, it is Beyond Fair to pay them. There's consideration of rent/care/food, etc.
What about tax? That's a different issue from 'fair' (and yes of course it's fair - why should it be free). I think that sharing out-of-pocket costs (food, power, etc) isn’t hypothetical ‘income’, for tax purposes, but I’m not sure about the charge for care. I hope someone with more knowledge of USA tax will chime in here. Also about Medicare – you may need to document this some way that it doesn’t look as though M is ‘gifting’ you the money, just in case she needs Medicaid in the future.
ALL household expenses should be divided. If there are 3 adults then ALL the expenses get divided by 3. If it is a husband, wife and 3 kids and mom moves in then the expenses get divided by 6 and m om pays 1/6 or all expenses. AND if mom is in need of a caregiver and you take on that role then you get paid for the care that you give. All this should be worked out and agreed upon BEFORE mom moves in. And there should be a WRITTEN agreement for both the expenses and for caregiving.
Oh, by ALL household expenses I am also talking about Insurance, property taxes, mortgage, water, sewer, garbage, newspaper, cable. And if you go on vacation mom pays for Respite stay in a local facility or pays for an increase of caregivers for the time you are gone.
You don't owe your mother anything. Take her in only if you want to, otherwise, resentment builds from feeling obligated. Parents have children because we want them....its our privilege and or job to care for them and raise them to be productive citizens of society. As parents, it's also our job to plan for old age, to save $$$, etc. So of course it's ok and standard to charge rent to your mom. If 4 people live in your home, mom would pay 1/4 of the monthly bills. You can also add on more for caregiving.
When you turn 50, you quit paid work & the grown child of your choosing must take you in. Provide your housing, cook for you (only meals you like) drive you everywhere & keep you entertained. Of course pay for everything! The parent spent their time & money on that child for 20 or so years. An investment - this allows them to live for free and have their grown children as servants later. This is how it is.
PS This is what my friend's Mother told him - all his life.
These long held views caused him much guilt & grief.
My tale below was just to show how beliefs can differ, especially across generations. Cultures too.
I personally think it is fair for an adult to pay their way. Housing, bills, food, medicine all cost. It may be hard to calculate 'care' costs, but hopefully you can find a suitable amount that seems fair.
My Mom lives in the house next to us, which she sold to us at FMV. We charge her only what it costs to own and maintain the house (prop taxes, insurance, utilities, etc) so we don't profit off of her. She gets a rent invoice from me every month that line items what her rent pays for. If we were renting to a stranger we'd be getting twice to 3x the amount in rent.
I also grocery shop for her and make at least 60% of her meals so I have a separate monthly withdrawal for her share of groceries. Her SS barely covers any of this but she doesn't have many other expenses or needs anymore at 95.
I am basically her on-call caregiver (and now chauffer) who allows her to live semi-independently and comfortably in her home.
This plus, the cost of living nowadays, is necessary and more than fair.
I spent none of my own money on my mother until she was on Medicaid. She did live with me for 20 months but she had a house, for sale, that needed to be maintained. Her SS went for that. Her small pension of $200 a month, went to what she needed thru the month. I never felt guilty for using her money on her. Thats what its there for.
I don't charge anything but I do let her purchase the groceries. I do all the cooking. She pays for her medicines and personal items in most cases. She pays for an aide when we have one. This seems fair to me for now.
Fair would be that she pays her fair share of all household expenses. Gas, electric, mortgage, property taxes, cable, food....EVERYTHING. If there are 3 people living in the house she would pay 1/3 of all expenses.
And...adding to that if you are doing HANDS ON caregiving tasks she should be paying you for that as well in addition to household expenses. (check your area for the hourly rate for caregivers you will probably find that the rate is between $25 and $40 per hour)
If she were living anywhere else she would have to pay these very same expenses. She would have to pay for a caregiver as well.
Proof of any payments to you that these payments are for her expenses both household and personal caregiving expenses takes it out of the realm of a "gift" to you so that if there is ever a need to apply for Medicaid there is no question that the money paid to you is for living expenses and caregiving.
I would never expect any family member to take me in and give me "free food, housing and caregiving" without proper compensation. Actually I would NEVER put family in the position to care for me, it just is not fair to them.
Yes. I'm now living here with my Dad 24/7 as his caregiver. He's 96 - I'll be 68 next month. When it became obvious Dad needed 24/7 care - he has moderate Lewy Body Dementia, I had my Son - who was staying here caring for Dad - swap homes with me so that I could come and stay here with Dad. I don't pay Dad rent to live here to care for him. I have my own home and mortgage I'm already paying for - Dad's home has long since been paid for, so I don't feel I need to pay my Dad rent to be here caring for him, but I do pitch in my share of household expenses, goods/food, etc. This was all agreed upon with my Dad and my older brother. (No one else can or wants to be here 24/7 with Dad - he's a handful lol)
Of course a parent should pay their own way . You should not be supporting your parent . You should not be spending your own money on your parent . The parent should be paying for groceries , their share of utilities , and for your services. And possibly rent .
It should not cost you a dime . If you quit your job , that is costing you .
There is a stigma about taking money from an elderly parent. When my father in law wanted a smart phone , my DH added him to our plan but made his Dad pay the $50 monthly increase to our bill . DH caught a lot of grief for that . People thought it was petty and cheap and how could you take the $50 from him . The old man had more money than us . Why would I pay for his phone ?
I don’t understand why people thought we should pay for his phone service . The phone itself was “ free “ when adding it to our service plan for 3 years . Father in law got a good deal .
PS father in law died . We are stuck now paying his $50 a month for the next two years anyway.
Even the poorest of parents usually have a small income, why should they bank that money and accumulate wealth while their caregivers are burdened with extra costs?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
AND if mom is in need of a caregiver and you take on that role then you get paid for the care that you give.
All this should be worked out and agreed upon BEFORE mom moves in. And there should be a WRITTEN agreement for both the expenses and for caregiving.
Oh, by ALL household expenses I am also talking about Insurance, property taxes, mortgage, water, sewer, garbage, newspaper, cable. And if you go on vacation mom pays for Respite stay in a local facility or pays for an increase of caregivers for the time you are gone.
Wishing you the best of luck with all of this.
PS This is what my friend's Mother told him - all his life.
These long held views caused him much guilt & grief.
I personally think it is fair for an adult to pay their way. Housing, bills, food, medicine all cost. It may be hard to calculate 'care' costs, but hopefully you can find a suitable amount that seems fair.
I also grocery shop for her and make at least 60% of her meals so I have a separate monthly withdrawal for her share of groceries. Her SS barely covers any of this but she doesn't have many other expenses or needs anymore at 95.
I am basically her on-call caregiver (and now chauffer) who allows her to live semi-independently and comfortably in her home.
This plus, the cost of living nowadays, is necessary and more than fair.
I spent none of my own money on my mother until she was on Medicaid. She did live with me for 20 months but she had a house, for sale, that needed to be maintained. Her SS went for that. Her small pension of $200 a month, went to what she needed thru the month. I never felt guilty for using her money on her. Thats what its there for.
If there are 3 people living in the house she would pay 1/3 of all expenses.
And...adding to that if you are doing HANDS ON caregiving tasks she should be paying you for that as well in addition to household expenses. (check your area for the hourly rate for caregivers you will probably find that the rate is between $25 and $40 per hour)
If she were living anywhere else she would have to pay these very same expenses.
She would have to pay for a caregiver as well.
Proof of any payments to you that these payments are for her expenses both household and personal caregiving expenses takes it out of the realm of a "gift" to you so that if there is ever a need to apply for Medicaid there is no question that the money paid to you is for living expenses and caregiving.
I would never expect any family member to take me in and give me "free food, housing and caregiving" without proper compensation. Actually I would NEVER put family in the position to care for me, it just is not fair to them.
And possibly rent .
It should not cost you a dime . If you quit your job , that is costing you .
There is a stigma about taking money from an elderly parent. When my father in law wanted a smart phone , my DH added him to our plan but made his Dad pay the $50 monthly increase to our bill .
DH caught a lot of grief for that . People thought it was petty and cheap and how could you take the $50 from him . The old man had more money than us . Why would I pay for his phone ?
I don’t understand why people thought we should pay for his phone service . The phone itself was “ free “ when adding it to our service plan for 3 years . Father in law got a good deal .
PS father in law died . We are stuck now paying his $50 a month for the next two years anyway.