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I am 82 and in pretty good health, still living in my home and independent other than hiring people to do my lawns and garden beds, and these days doing online grocery shopping with delivery. I had planned at some time in the future to go into a facility, but, when I see how this virus has spread among residents and of care facilities, who are the most vulnerable segment of the population, I am having second thoughts about my plan. Anyone else? I put this under assisted living but it applies to all institutional care.

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No real plans as of yet for me. I have told my kids that if I follow my mother down the Yellow Brick Road (dementia), the place she is in would be my choice (MC.) I would not want them to have the burden of providing my care with that. With dementia, if something like the virus swept the facility, it would probably be a blessing in disguise, so long as there was no suffering. In our case, mom's facility is still virus free (combination of IL, AL and MC.) Our county currently only has about 45 confirmed cases and I believe one death (more in more populous areas and NHs, but much less that some places.)

For other ailments, it will depend on what it is and how much assistance would be needed. Hopefully it won't come to that...
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golden23 May 2020
I hear you on both accounts - developing dementia being too much for family to deal with and needing institutional care. The other point - that death by a virus being a blessing in disguise for those who have to be in facilities, has occurred to me. Honestly, IMO, if mother had caught a virus and it had taken her anytime in the last 5 years of her life, it would have been a blessing, Her quality of life was not good. Mother was in several facilities. and had only single rooms. For me that is a plus. Any of them would be OK for me. Fact is aging isn't fun for anyone and there are some downsides to any arrangement.
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While caring for my Husband I made the expensive decision to buy Long Term Care Insurance. My first thought was..no one will care for me the way I cared for my Husband, and I do not want to put family in the position to feel that they have to either care for me or place me. The policy that I have will provide care in my home. And luckily the home I purchased was built handicap accessible so I don't have to worry about that.
So no my plans have not changed but COVID19 has cemented the fact that I made the right decision 5 or 6 years ago.
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golden23 May 2020
Grandma, you certainly did make the right decision. I know a number of seniors who stayed in place until there last few days/weeks/months when they needed hospitalization. I think it is a great plan.
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I find everyone's perspective interesting. Presumably most of you are in the senior's category but not up to my age.

My dd has said I could live with them. We lived together here this summer for 5 months under a time of some stress and it worked fine so she felt she could offer that. I guess I will leave it in the realm of possibility but it would not be my first choice. If I got to the point of needing more care than assisted living I would not want my dd to be burdened with that.

Ideally, I would like my own residence of some sort, that was or could be adapted to senior needs. Aging in place is a great idea if there are enough resources.

Illness may strike so if one has to live in a facility - so be it.

One aunt, on my father's side after her husband died, moved from her home into a senior's townhouse, I guess you would call it, It was her own unit, she cooked etc for herself. The outside and grounds were looked after. There was a pull cord in the bedroom and in the bathroom if she needed help. And there was a main building for seniors who were not as independent as she was. She lived there till she was 97. I gather she had some heart issues but didn't seem too badly off. One morning bending over to pick up the milk bottle which has been delivered to her door, she lost her balance and fell onto the cold brick patio type area outside her door, and lay there for a while before someone noticed and got help. She was put into hospital due to hypothermia, and passed within 2 weeks. So basically she lived in her home until the end. It's a nice way to go though she really wanted to reach 100!

I have more stories of seniors in the family I will share later. They are the ones I am looking at for ideas for myself and well as learning for everyone here.
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I decided to stay home and take care of myself if possible. I am thinking of getting LTC insurance as Grandma stated, I wish I did years ago. It was reasonable and a very good policy, but I cancelled it. Wondering how expensive it is now? I might consider a live in helper that needs a home, room & board and salary included. I am with GardenArtist peace and quiet. I will save my money and use it for necessities and the upkeep of my home. Used to think I will surrender some money and house to family members and go to a Senior Housing Facility, but I don't think so. Have to think of myself in my old age. Don't plan on family taking care of me. My dad and mom planned very well for their old age. I am trying to do the same.
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golden23 May 2020
It's great you had good role models. I did too. A live in helper worked for a while with mother and would have worked longer but for mother's borderline personality disorder. Her arrangement would have worked well for me. Yes, you have to think of yourself in your old age. I have a decent retirement income that should cover necessities for quite a while. I don't want family looking after me other than being POA medical and financial. If it was a good option I would live with dd and her hub, but only as long as I was pretty independent. If any real personal care became needed I would not want her to do it.
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One thing clear from everyone’s experience is that death from cancer or another serious illness is very different from the years and years of declining dementia. Like 1 year compared with 10 years, with all that implies for caregiving. Our GP told DH and me that few of his patients would live past 85 without drugs, particularly for heart issues. I hope that medical practice will change so that we can all die earlier and with less stress to ourselves and our carers, and less need for staggeringly expensive care facilities.
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golden23 May 2020
Yes it sure is, though those with heart disease and some cancers can live for years. My ex had a quadruple bypass 10 years ago and he is still working. Re medical practice changing I guess if anyone wants to go sooner, and with less expense they can always refuse treatment.
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I so agree.... all that has to happen is for ARTIFICIALLY prolonging life to stop at a certain age or on request. My husband is much younger, and he says he wants me to do 50 years with him - a nice compliment! However, I don't want to be 91; unless I'm independent; REALLY independent, not fake independent.
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golden23 May 2020
The age difference thing - I told my sig other not to plan on me dying first lol. You never know what's going to happen. No one wants to be dependent, but slowly it happens. Our definition of independent/dependent can change. I used to be able to do all the gardening but at 82 I can't now though am getting back into it as the CFS/FM seems to be going. So hiring people makes it work. Does that make me dependent? I guess we each have to set our own lines in the sand and know that they may move, Have you thought what dependent means to you?
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I'm relatively young at 63 but wheelchair bound 10 years ago from progressive degenerative issues. Widowed with no family I live in UK. I have no support at all and haven't wanted it. I have all my marbles (I think lol) and like my independence.
I talk regularly by phone/messenger to a friend in NY and another 350 miles away.
I've been totally home bound since 12th March thanks to Covid 19 and it's given me time to reflect on my plans for the future. I have a will in place (though little to leave), an Advanced Directive (how I ideally want end of life to go), an End of Life Doula, my funeral and burial are sorted and my bff has POA.
I want to stay in my (Housing Association) bungalow with my cats until the end, that has always been my wish.
On Thursday my Dr. video called me and at the end of the call advised me that
she was concerned about my deteriorating physical/mental health from being in prolonged isolation (I can't get outside at all at the present) and as such I had 2 choices go into hospital or go to a place that is usually run as a Respite Centre.
It was closed in Jan for refurbishment and Covid 19 meant it didn't reopen. It's now being used by our NHS for people who are not safe at home (temporarily) but don't need hospital treatment. There are Nurses there. I'll be away for a month and arranging care of my fur babies has not been easy.
I still hold to my original decisions though, I will return home when I am well (I hope) and end my life in my home with whatever Care Support I can tolerate.
My late DH had carers when he had Cancer because I was not physically able to care for him with my own disabilities. That was the theory anyway, the carers were for the most part a nightmare and I nursed him myself July-Feb when he died. I then dealt with not only his death but the effects of months doing things I physically/mentally shouldn't have done. No regrets though, he had a gentle death with me at his side to his last breath.
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igloo572 May 2020
Lucy can you keep a journal and post parts of it onto this site on a regular basis? It would be great to get a perspective from an elders in the moment viewpoint.

so the respite place is a brand new Or newly rehabbed building designed for continuing care? That’s amazing (the type of thing you can do easier when there’s universal healthcare) and if being there for a few weeks can help you get better both physically and mentally, it’s a good thing. If there’s bereavement counseling, please think about participating in it. Best of luck to you.
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Golden, I hadn't planned to leave my home, and am more intent on that now. Dying in a facility without the resources or even the desired ability to have them is not the way I plan to go.

I'm evaluating what needs to be done to accommodate older, possibly somewhat compromised living and plan to make those changes as I alter other aspects of the home to accommodate older living. More desirably, I want to move to a quieter, less congested area, where people actually speak to each other and cars don't zoom down the street regularly. I want peace and quiet.

Taking care of my parents and sister offered good insights into different levels of care, so I have a pretty good idea what I'll need, unless I develop some catastrophically compromising disease or illness.

What plans are you making?
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golden23 May 2020
GA I want peace and quiet too, and do fairly well here, but want to move south to where the winters are shorter and there is a greater variety of medical etc help. My thoughts have been to move to a suitable house/condo/apartment and hire help as I need it and as long as it works. Had mother been suited to it temperamentally, she could have stayed in her large apartment probably another 5 years at least as we had hired a live in senior nanny for her. Even as she lost mobility she could have stayed longer with that help and avoided some of the institutional living.
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Here in Canada, especially in BC, ON and PQ, Covid-19 has decimated care facilities. I know my Mum (86) worries about friends who live in them and has said she would shoot herself before entering one. She does not have a gun, so I am not worried about that.

Here there will be some major changes to how seniors are cared fro moving forward. One outcome is going to be better working conditions for staff and better employment, full time hours and benefits, so they can work in just one facility instead of many.

I am sure shared rooms will be a thing of the past too, unless it is for a couple. Finding a way to stop people from wandering into other people's rooms is important too. A friend who is physically impaired but mentally all there is having to shoo people out of her room all the time.

I think the use of restraints in facilities will increase, physical or medical. There will be court challenges, but one person's rights end, when they impact another person's health and well being.

Here in BC there has been a program called Better At Home that provides supports to seniors in their homes, I feel that program will need additional funding. It will also need far more staff and the staff will have to assigned to set families, perhaps 5 different families in their case load.

One thing that care facilities are acknowledging is all the unpaid labour provided by family and other volunteers. With facilities on lock down, the staff is being stretched even further to provide needed care.

Lastly, I think the "keep them alive at all costs" method of medical care will be reviewed. If someone cannot survive without many medications, trips to the hospital etc, perhaps Home Hospice will be called earlier? I am not suggesting euthanasia, but just allowing nature to takes it course. This is what my grandmother did, when she had Chronic Leukemia, she refused excessive treatment and let nature take it course. She was only hospitalized for 5 days prior to her death, up until that time she was at home.
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golden23 May 2020
Tothill - I am Canadian too and in Alberta. We have that problem in Calgary. Edmonton, where mother was and where I would go, escaped pretty well so far, but the staffing certainly is an issue. I agree it has to improve. I think there is stay at home help here too and I hope that will be further developed. I hear you about allowing nature to take it's course. In mother's case she lived to 106 with very little intervention. In the last 20 years of her life, 2 hip replacements and a gall bladder surgery was it. All else was healthy. I appreciate what your grandmother did. Seems ideal. Unfortunately with mother, vascular dementia kicked in when she was about 100, but with a healthy body, so she lingered till she was 106.
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I have always said I would get an apartment if DH passed before me. Living in a 4 floor split level is really not conducive to old age. One reason my Mom could not live with me forever. But none of us knows what the future will bring.

My friend, earlier in the year, finally moved into a Senior apt. Loved it. A few months later landed in the hospital and then an extended stay in rehab. Not sure of all that happened but she went beyond the 100 days allowed and now is in LTC. She had to give up her apt and her dog. At 71, she has parkinsons and just diagnoised with stomach cancer. She is her own worst enemy, though. Estranged from her sons. TG she has a couple of friends who have handled things for her, one her POA. But, she is going to have to live in LTC for the rest of her life. And now Covid. She can have no visitors. How depressing for someone who is still with it. In a room all day long. Even though I have been upset with her the last year for a nasty message she left me, I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.

So yes, I may rethink the AL thing. No, I don't want my girls caring for me. So, I hope I stay healthy. I know one thing, I don't want to live into my 90s.
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golden23 May 2020
Sad about your friend and the Parkinson's and cancer. We don't know what lies ahead, A nice apartment and help hired when needed would work for me in a few years. Now I am in a 2 story, 6 bedroom house and love the stairs. They keep my legs strong. I need help in the garden but manage the rest. I don't need the space, obviously, but it has been my home for years and though I had planned to move south this summer, covid put a stop to that. I still will move but am not sure into what.

"I don't want to live into my 90's".

Dear one, we don't always have those choices. The women in my family tend to live pretty healthily into their late 90's and mother raised the bar by surviving to 106. It wouldn't be my choice to live as she did her last few years, but, it is not within my control.
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