I just feel like it's time that I am able to live my own life, caring for my mom is making me resentful & depressed, there be times I be wishing I could have freedom that everyone else gets to have like go out to the beach, go to the movies, live there sex lives, I am not trying to be selfish when I say this but my depression has been trying to put me in a grave yard, and I feel like the stress of being extremely responsible for another person 24/7 is not helping my mental disease, I've struggled with depression all my life and I was diagnosed with it as a child because of my nasty childhood I've growned up in an abusive environment. I've known the man that I'm with age (22) for 4 years , I (26) and him want to get married, we have plans to get married in october, and in a week our apartment will be ready and he wants me to live with him, my mom wants to live with aunt but aunt is to busy she has a child, she has two jobs and shes going to college to be a teacher, I just feel like this is so much stress on me I been caring for her for a really long time. What should I do, she declines to go to the nursing home, her daughter is to busy, last time we tried the hospice care they wouldnt stay because she has a roach infestation. so what else can I do??
Is she capable to make her own lifestyle decisions & care arrangments?
Requires 'assisted decision' making? Or an Attorney/Guardian to make these decisions for her?
Maybe a medical review could start with a needs assessment & go from there.
If this is your grandmother, her children need to step up and do their part. I don't get involved with my brother and sister's care since they are both in their eighties and they have kids that can help. I had my share of caring for my mom and my younger sister. I watched all of my friends marry and move on after my divorce, and I ended up back home for a spell. It was like watching my life pass me by. I did manage to stick college in the mix along with getting a couple of jobs, but I would have made better choices if I did not have the burden of caretaking. Everything I did at that point felt like a race to catch up like I was rushed to make life's decisions on a dime. On top of that, I had a kid I was raising.
I know that you love your grandma, and nothing hurts more than the false guilt like you are leaving your loved one behind. You are doing your part. There are some good assisted living places and long term care facilities. Trust me, once you step out, someone else will take over. My sister's teacher told me this years ago, and it was the truth. My sister had better care than what I could ever provide even though she had the help of a home health aide that my mom had set up before she died. I was needed to get my sister from point A to point B. My sister learned to feed herself and those teachers worked to get her to re-learn those life's skills. My sister had a life. Now, had I continued with the original plan of keeping her home, she would never had experienced with God had in store for her. She got baptized, traveled, attended school and generally had a life. While at home, she just experienced the four walls of her bedroom and the company of the home health aide during the time I was working.
Moonie, What grandma wants and what grandma needs are 2 different things. I would get informed and move grandma into a facility that can take care of her so you can live your life.
You need to talk to Grandma's children. Tell them you will be moving out and in with your boyfriend. That u will be getting married in Oct. Tell them that someone needs to make a decision concerning grandma's care. You will no longer be able to do it. If none of them can bring her into their home, then she will need to go to Long-term care. Medicaid will pay if she does not have the money. This is all up to one of them. If they do not want to do this, then u will need to call APS and tell them the situation.
IMO a grandchild should not be responsible for the care of a Grandparent when there are Children in the picture. The Children don't need to do the care but they should find it.
Is she able to make her own decisions rationally? Sort of sounds like she is, based on what you wrote.
If this is the case then she can choose to stay in her current residence and get help from the county, or transition to a facility where she'll get social exposure and all the help she needs.
You aren't responsible for her happiness. Work on finding your own.
It is time for you to be first in your own life. You're making progress toward that, so good for you.
If mom had hospice care, she must be at end of life, and usually when in hospice, the patient isn't expected to live more than six months. I'm assuming she'd still qualify, so maybe you could contact hospice and ask if there are hospice facilities where she can live. If not, call your local council on aging, or adult protective services, or any other agency that cares for or protects elders. Tell them and mom that you're moving out and can't care for mom anymore.
Then get out of there.
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