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I'm having a hard time dealing with the repetition of questions. I can tell my mother something and two seconds later she is asking the same question. I know I need to be patient but it is really wearing on my nerves especially since I get no sleep anymore.

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So what was the original plan?

To move in to provide supervision/assistance after a hospital stay? Until Mother was 'back on her feet'?

"I had to idea what I was in for when I took her home instead of placing her when she left the hospital".

That's OK. You tried it. Call that Plan A.

Now you DO have a very clear idea of how much care she (& the house/grounds) need.

So now you can make changes.
Move to Plan B.
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Reply to Beatty
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Are you there with her 24/7? If so, you need to get a break and a good night's sleep.
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Reply to GraceJones
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 2, 2024
Yes 24/7. Been here 4 months and it seems like 2 years.
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If you are financial POA, sell moms big house to finance her life in Memory Care Assisted Living. If you are her medical POA, you can place her in Memory Care Assisted Living w/o her agreeing to it. Obviously she has ADVANCED dementia and needs placement now. Speak to a certified elder care attorney about all of this. Immediately. You need help, that's where you'll get it. The CELA will guide you accordingly.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Hi Roger, I know what you are going through and I’m sorry. What I do when My Mom gets into a repetitive cycle is to answer her a few times with short simple answers. If it continues I move on to distraction with a snack, music channel on tv, or a magazine or book to look at. When all else fails, I take her for a ride in the car. You’ll hopefully find what works with your Mom to break the cycle. I hope something I’ve mentioned helps.
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Reply to lmh1973
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I hear you. I also am going through exactly the same thing. I am a nurse of 20 years. My parents moved in with me unbeknownst to me 2yrs ago. My 84yr old father fell off a ladder on labor day wknd 2023. Ended up with a crainiotomy( brain bleed), ICU for months,subacute for 1month, back to hospital for 3broken vertebraes, so needed spinal fusion and lastly dealing with dementia which has progressed with the TBI. My mother whom is 82 is now getting tested for dementia. They are 24/7 care. I have not worked since September 2023. My life has been placed on hold with zero help from my brother. Now that's another issue. . I appreciate this forum because I now know I'm not the only one with all these crazy feelings. It's easy to say do this and that but every situation is different and as caregivers I feel we are the only one that can make that choice for your own situation. Everyday is always different. I know that I get inpatient alot and that's when I know I just need to step back for a minute. I feel guilty but I always come back and do what needs to be done because I love my parents so much. Good luck to everyone!
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Reply to Bestrong
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Roger,

Do you have help with caregiving? You sound exhausted.

This is too big of a job for one person. Look into hiring additional help for your mom.

Is mom in your home or are you living in her home? Tell us about your situation.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 2, 2024
I'm currently living with her in a huge house. Too much for me to handle. I miss my family. I had to idea what I was in for when I took her home instead of placing her when she left the hospital. I don't know what I was thinking. This house is so much to care for. Dad did everything. Recently her housekeeper quit and the lawn guy quit, etc. Its just overwhelming. Today the social service guy came over and she had no idea who he was. He has been here 8 times. She even asked me who my dad was. That was devastating. She spent most of dad's retirement so I'm seeking help but searching ideas and ways to pay for foster care or something. Sorry just mumbling.
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With all your questions today, you're obviously way over your head with your mothers care.
Your mother has dementia, so of course she's going to ask the same question over and over, as her brain is broken and she can't help it.
It sounds like you need to better educate yourself about the horrible disease of dementia so you can be better prepared for what lies ahead as she will only get worse.
And it's probably past time that she needs to be placed in a memory care facility where she will receive the 24/7 care she requires and you can get back to just being her son and advocate, and actually get a good nights sleep.
If you're not careful you will be in the 40% of caregivers that will die before the one they're caring for with dementia from stress related issues.
I'm sure your mother would not want that to happen now would she?
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 2, 2024
I have been in the medical field for over 40 years and am well educated on dementia. It is different though when the roles change and you become the care provider for your parent leaving behind the rest of the family and the care for yourself. Sorry so many questions. I will stop because everyone is getting annoyed. This is new to me so asking questions helps but I guess people get weird about it. I will stop posting.
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Roger,
Watch Teepa Snow videos for a little bit of info on the mind with dementia.
This repetition is one of the most common effects of the disease as is disturbed sleep patterns, paranoia, etc.

The internet is your friend here. There are just tons of things about dementia.

A good diagnosis from neuro psyc evaluation will tell you what kind of dementia Mom may have and it's important to know that the dementia vary a whole LOT. Some have more angry outburst and moments that are either better or worse. Some have a whole lot of hallucination and are very real for the patients. They vary a whole lot.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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24/7 isn't sustainable, as you probably concluded yourself. You need to find a way to step back before you start losing your health, including mental health. You doing the 24/7 care thing is NOT the only solution available for your mother's care, and while other avenues may seem more complicated to pursue, you have to. You may not think that these other options are 100% perfect/satisfactory compared to you always being there, but they're better than you killing yourself over this. And this is me talking to my past self, not just you.
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Reply to GraceJones
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Yes,I think it is normal. My husband had dementia, then Alzheimers. Same questions or comments all day long.
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