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Mom told me she is concerned about my housing options when she passes away. The building management rules make my staying there not an option. Plus I could never afford it on my own anyway. My finances are very limited due to caregiving full time. I have several relatives who would like me to live with them. Some of them used to live with us, and the experience was very stressful. They are slightly younger than my mom, and are hoping I will become their caregivers. I don't want to do that. I would appreciate whatever suggestions anyone may have. Thank you.

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Are you by chance a "senior"? You might qualify for senior housing.
Do you have a job that you can return to?
It might be that you have to take up the offer of housing for a short time but you need to find other options and the best time to do so is now when it is not "urgent" that you leave where you are now.
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MomsAssistant Nov 2019
Not yet, but I will be a senior in a few years. Yes, I could check with an employment agency I used years ago. Thank you so much for the advice to start planning now.
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Rent a room in some one's home, get a part time job now to start saving for your future.
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MomsAssistant Nov 2019
Yes room rental is something I could afford, and I will start the job search for savings now. Thanks very much for these good ideas.
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Check into subsidized housing properties-There are some that are privately owned.
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MomsAssistant Nov 2019
I certainly will - thank you so much.
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Start saving money now for your own place, plus find work for income. If your relatives ask you to take care of them, nicely tell them you can't.
We need to take care of ourself too.
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MomsAssistant Nov 2019
Thank you, you are so right. I must take care of myself. Really appreciate your helpful reply.
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Check your county's website, too. There might be resources for job training/counseling for adults re-entering the workplace.

Whatever you decide to do, I think you definitely want to avoid caregiving for stressful people -- what a double whammy!
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MomsAssistant Nov 2019
Great suggestions. I will check the website. Thank you very much.
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Apply for Section 8 and/or HUD
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MomsAssistant Nov 2019
Thanks so much, I'll check their websites.
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Perhaps an unkind thought, but I wonder if your relatives would be so willing to have you live with them if the boot were on the other foot, ie, that they might have to care for you for some reason instead. If there is any way round the issue I would be doing all in my power to not get caught on that carer merry-go-round again.
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MomsAssistant Nov 2019
That's a very realistic thought, actually. And yes, I will do all I can to avoid that merry-go-round. Thank you so much.
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MA; Is your mother paying you for caregiving? Doing that (with a legal caregiving contract in place) in one way for her to compensate you and assure your financial security.

Very few of us can afford to quit our jobs mid-career to do full time caregiving. I'm glad that mom is concerned! Talk to her about setting up a plan to pay you a living wage so that you will be able to afford to live somewhere decent when she passes on. Then you'll be better able to get back on your feet and resume your career.
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MomsAssistant Nov 2019
She does pay me, but yes we do need to talk and review the plan. Thanks very much for your advice.
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Find yourself a real life Golden Girls situation. There are many, many seniors who have huge homes and empty nests. Basically, become a roommate and pay rent for a room and share expenses. I would not go from one caregiving situation into another. You need time for yourself.
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MomsAssistant Nov 2019
That is such a good idea for me to look into. You are right, I will certainly need time for me. Thanks so much.
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I was once thinking of moving to another town in another state. I knew I could not afford an apartment on my own so I looked in their local Craigslist and found tons of people who needed extra housemates. You might try that. I never got up the nerve to actually make the move.
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MomsAssistant Nov 2019
Yes, Craigslist has a lot to offer. Thanks a lot for suggesting that.
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How old are you. Makes a big difference in what u qualify for. Some Senior apts are 55 and up, some 62 and up. You can start collecting SS at 62, 60 if ur a widow. No you don't get as much if you wait till 66 but its income. U maybe able to receive Medicaid for ur healthcare.

In my area, there are HUD subsidized apts. For rent, they take 30% of your income. Heat is included, you pay electric and TV.

Good thing you r thinking ahead. I agree to contact Office of Aging and see what is offered for people trying to get back in the workplace after caring for someone.
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MomsAssistant Nov 2019
I'm in my early fifties, so a few years away from the 55 apts. But I will certainly check everything out. Thank you so much for all the good ideas.
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Curious...if mom signs a lease is it over she is gone? Because it doesn't sound like she is going yet...then again, you mention not being able to afford it without her. Sounds like you are a great caregiver that others would want, but you do not want that task...is that task worth considering in lieu of any other job? Once you are officially a senior, and in some places age 50 may be enough, you may qualify for subsidized housing. Some is nice, some not...but it may help you.
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MomsAssistant Dec 2019
Even if I could afford it, building management has ended their policy of succession rights. That would have allowed me to inherit the apartment when she passes. By the way, she's not extremely ill right now but she is in her mid 80's. I will definitely have to move. I would probably look into a temporary housing arrangement until I could work enough to afford my own place. I would much rather work than be a caregiver again. Also, I'm still a few years away from qualifying for senior housing. Thank you so much for your advice.
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Unfortunately you are still going to have to find a way to pay your expenses when Mom passes. You will have rent or mortgage/taxes, utilities, food, etc. You will need an income if you live alone or do not have a care giving arrangement with someone. Are you able to have enough to live on on your own?
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MomsAssistant Dec 2019
Right now I do not have enough to live on my own. I am trying to get part-time work now to save up, as some have suggested. As mom's full-time caregiver that's the most I can do at this time. If I can't afford to live alone, I will at least be in position to consider room rental or subsidized housing. I prefer that instead of another caregiving arrangement. Thank you so much for your input.
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What can anybody on here say? You have to get a job and pay bills like the rest of us. If your mom is still alive, she needs to move to assisted living facility and you need go grow up and take care of yourself. If your mom is still with it, the truth is she is taking care of YOU, instead of you caring for her. That needs to stop. Grow up, get a job and join the human rat race like the rest of us.

I do have a suggestion, but you may not like it. Have you considered becoming a certified nurse's assistant (CNA)? As the elder population is growing, so is an enormous need for carers and hospitals are even willing to train on the job. You will have to pay for a state license, but it should not be difficult to pass. Once you get a CNA you can get a job practically anywhere including home care agencies, nursing homes, hospitals and clinics. Some hospitals will reimburse you for your state license fees if you pass it. Local agencies may offer sitter jobs--you do nothing but sit and watch with no hands-on care, but they pay absolutely minimum wage. Your best bet is to get a CNA license.

The cheapest living accommodations are single room efficiencies. Get any kind of job...fast. Or you will end up homeless like millions of other Americans and just become another faceless entity.
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CharK60 Dec 2019
Excuse me, but do you realize how many of us here you’ve suggested need to “grow up” and “join the real world?”

As if we are not aware what living in the “real” world entails?

Firstly, how rude of you to say it but secondly, how can you begin to think your generalizations Can be resolved so easily?

My mom is with it also but she is physically frail and needs assistance. The fact that she’s mentally alert concerns me as to how many years she would be looking at placement in a care home. Probly much longer than her money will last.

Those are my facts, though I’m sure there are many others. I’m well aware, as is the op, that I’m losing my resources and that’s why she asked the question. Not to be put down by responders.

If you can’t say something nice, do us a favor and don’t say anything at all!
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MA, are you a beneficiary of any life insurance of your mom that might help bridge the transition?

While care taking for your mother, try to gain any skill. Phlebotomy or medical assisting or medical billing are easy entry jobs after getting certified.

Find a group and network somehow. I have friends that know of my care-taking situation that I plan on temporarily house with while finding something income producing. Be clear with your objective.

My mother who I care for, became widowed herself in her mid-fifties and started a career and worked until age 80. I think family members felt sorry for her but it actually kept her active which was the best thing.

One person I know, took a year to become a full-time student at age 50 and live in student housing after death of a LO. She is almost finished with the degree program.
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MomsAssistant Dec 2019
Yes, she did arrange that for me, so that will help. I have certification in nutrition. So I'm looking into some options there and other areas. Thanks for sharing such encouraging examples.
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I would avoid another live-in situation after your mother is gone. You need a job where you can at least earn Social Security benefits, maybe health care benefits and a few paid holidays. Grocery stores and big box retailers like Walmart always need people.
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MomsAssistant Dec 2019
You are so right. Thank you for your advice.
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Wow, you have received tons of advice.

I would like to caution you about a few things. One is setting up a corporation for caregivers contract, the laws have changed and it is expensive to incorporate and comply with all the laws. It is thousands of dollars and the write offs would not offset the expenses. You are far better to hire a payroll service that basically employees you and you submit your hours and they invoice mom and that covers all required taxes, workmans comp insurance and some even offer other benefits, like self pay insurance and it is a group so it is affordable. You can get a caregiver contract online and not pay a thousand or more to have an attorney draw it up, if you are concerned do the contract and have an attorney review it, much more cost effective. This will ensure that you are contributing to social security and Medicare.

If there are long waiting lists for section 8 housing, get on the list now. I would think that you having housing is more important to your mom than where she lives, you can both move in as long as you are honest on the paperwork. You can also find out what happens if you decide not to move and she passes right after you refuse, I think you go to the end of the list, but ask.

I would also look for housing that is for 50+. We have a lot of adult complexes that 50 is the minimum age.

If mom has the money she should be setting up some type of cushion for you for the transition time. Living below her means would help with that, look at your budget and see if there are items that can be cut out or down to ensure you are getting paid enough or she is able to put some aside.

Go to Dave Ramsey website or check out his book from the library and start applying the information, go to everyday cheapskate and start applying the information provided on how to live cheaper, every dollar makes a difference.

I make my own spray no rinse body cleaner and someone asked me why I would do that, because I can make it for a quarter and I can't see paying 10 bucks when I can get a years supply for that by spending a few moments monthly. You can do this with all household cleaners, laundry detergent and even food items. It is all available on line and it saves loads of money. Not to mention how gratifying it is to see a sparkling clean house and knowing that it was your personal effort through and through. Mindful living now will prepare you for the future.

Do you live in an area that you could make something and sell it at a farmer's market? This could start earning you cash now, and who knows, it might be so successful that you keep doing it as long as you need to.

I see women selling homemade candy 1 piece at a time and being sold out in 1 hour. Soaps, lotions, salsas, anything that you can imagine is now available at farmer's markets and people are earning a living doing it.

Best of luck finding your path.
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Pasa18 Dec 2019
Yes, all the above can cut fixed expenses and move into savings and investments for anyone. In our city, there is a business license for selling home made foods from home and it has become somewhat trendy. And you read my mind on the farmer's market idea.
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Well, it is obvious that you do not want to be a caregiver by profession after your Mom passes. The only other option is to begin deciding what type of job you would like to do and if there is any study or training to do, get started as far as learning about it. Otherwise, you will end up as a caregiver anyway since that is all you will be qualified for. By the way, what type of job did you do before you became your Mom's caregiver? There are jobs all over the place out there now. I will echo one thing one of the others on here said and that is that you really need to work so that you will have decent social security benefits when it is time for YOU to retire or you can no longer provide for yourself. It is so much easier to have a job getting a W-2 than to work randomly here & there and try to report your earnings yourself. Simplify your life by searching out a job for yourself. I don't know your age but you need to start NOW. I don't know your age nor how long you have been your Mom's caregiver so that is the best I can suggest for what it is worth.
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MomsAssistant Dec 2019
I have a background in administration and also certified in nutrition. But of course I'm exploring all available options. Thank you for those very good points.
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This is a bit of a knight's move thought, so bear with me, but I'd suggest that actually your first goal after caregiving ends is not housing but job options. What will you do with your time?

If you succeed in returning to the workplace (if that's the plan?), and your relatives *still* offer you accommodation, I should say thank you very much and take them up on it. Then you can rebuild, with gainful employment and a base to start from.

If any such offer comes with strings attached, though... be careful.
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MomsAssistant Dec 2019
Really appreciate that advice. Thanks so much.
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Start making money on your own and banking as much of it as you can right now. There are so many work from home jobs... www. pennyhoarder.com is a wonderful resource.

Use caution with Craigslist... it seems like every other episode of Judge Judy has to do with either shady roommates or landlords that found each other on Craigslist. And as others have said you'll go to the end of the line for section 8 housing unless you have kids or a disability of some sort.

Early 50s is a late start in life but better late than never. Good luck.
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shad250 Dec 2019
Flexjobs, too. Even though it's a pay for website, They have a 67% off deal, but it ends today
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One other suggestion see if your city and/or county has housing programs for people who are or may become homeless.
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MomsAssistant Dec 2019
Another good suggestion. Thanks very much.
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Rent a room until you can afford your own apartment. Maybe it could be attached to a senior's home so you can just keep and eye out for them but not be a caregiver. You can usually find a job at a temp staff agency (one where the employer pays the fee) and work into employment with benefits.
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MomsAssistant Dec 2019
Thank you so much for those good suggestions.
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Until you can get your finances built up, rent a room from someone. Do not suggest moving in with those relatives - you may be expected to care for them, as you say. Say no to that.
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MomsAssistant Dec 2019
You are right. Thanks so much for your response.
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MomsAssistant: You're welcome. I have been in your shoes in a different time (not a good time of my life and not my fault). I will leave it at that. Good luck to you.💞💞
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If you don’t have money or a decent place to live, yes, you should consider your relatives. You did not mention anything about financial compensation when staying with your mother. You did not mention if you are male or female. I assume from reading your circumstances that she was not getting much of any SS or other income.  Family members ( not meaning your mom) tend to take advantage because you are family, you are younger and they feel you would be  glad to have a place to live....at possibly no cost. However, all things involved in caregiving are job tasks that any home-care agency would charge a pretty firm amount for each individual task ( shopping, cooking, cleaning, driving, giving meds, assist in personal bathroom tasks and more) . Even if/when you might love someone, it is a business relationship, a huge responsibility. I know you know this or you would not be wrestling with how to handle them and make a decision and giving an answer. Before going to Iive in someone else’s home or they come to stay in your home, setting up rules, an understanding, a “contract” is what should be done to rule out emotional and financial disaster.  
From what you revealed, and I could be wrong, it sounds like they have enough finances to house you “and” compensate you. You have the option and power to negotiate pay, schedule the week ( holidays etc.) and create margins. Get it in writing so you don’t have to experience bad endings.  Do not leave anything left un-discussed or un-disclosed. Love is trust, and trust is truth.  When you get things in writing, there is less room for problems. And, the least expensive way to get it in writing is to type out the “titled” agreement and both sign it at a bank with a Notary rep taking care of you. You pay per page. 
Depending on what options you have at this point, always realize that you can make things work, because it is not all your responsibility alone. If they want you to become their caregiver, then establish the rules.  I hope I interpreted your issue correctly.
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MomsAssistant Dec 2019
Yes, you are on point. Thank you so much for your advice, especially the tips on a written contract.
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If Mom's money is running out, apply for Medicaid..... look for a good elder lawyer.... he'll do all the paper work ... start soon, don't wait....I never paid one penny out of my pocket for my Mom... it was her money or medicaid kicked in ....No one should be forced to pay or quit their job to take care of someone....we have to live too
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MomsAssistant Dec 2019
Yes, I agree. Thanks a lot for these suggestions.
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I agree with a previous post. Find a room to rent, not with one of those relatives. Find a job, a good excuse to not provide care giving. Work and save until you can find a better living arrangement. Do not put yourself in that situation, especially since you specifically said the experience of them living with you was very stressful. As they have more needs, it will get even more stressful. I feel like personalities rarely change for the better as people get older. You were there for your mother. You've done enough. Who will take care of you once you are sick and done taking care of them? Get healthy. Save yourself. They will find another way. I wish you the best.
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MomsAssistant Dec 2019
I really appreciate your words of wisdom. Thank you so much.
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You have a skill that can be used even if you've been out of the paid workforce for many years. Caregiving. Doing it for an unrelated person can earn you a living without being expected to be available 24/7 as you would living with a relative.

If your mom does not require 24/7 care right now, then look to see if there are folks in the building where you live now that need some hourly assistance. It may be light housework or preparing meals. Speaking of meals, you might ask other folks in your building if they might be interested in a meal service. Assuming you maintain a clean kitchen area and could pass a food services inspection (you can ck with health department about cooking in the home for your area), you could do casseroles, soups, etc and deliver without ever really leaving home. Meals are a real issue for elderly or disabled who tend to eat junk instead of spending much time on preparation.

You might want to check with a home health service to find out what credentials you need to be a caregiver and get that done now. Working for them could be part time or full time work and the job ends when you leave their house (unlike living with a relative where you're paying no rent).

A little planning now may be the difference in being able to move into your own place or being without a place to live and having no where to go except to a relative who is looking for your assistance (possibly unpaid).
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MomsAssistant Dec 2019
These are such practical and helpful ideas! There are definitely some neighbors here who could use the help. Thank you so much.
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