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Spouse abandoned my father at the court house following the ruling to remove her as co-guardian and replace me as his sole guardian. His 24/7 care was dropped into my lap at that moment. Honoring his expressed wish to remain in his home. He is 92 yrs and in early, late stage Alz. I am an RN, with 40 years experience, and 22 years in Home Health and management there. I Have spent past 5 months as Primary c/g, and a total of 2,044 hours in his home Providing Direct Care, Supervision, I hired 24/7/caregivers, managed them, covered vacancies, essentially 'on call' for 5 months. Was responsible for Home Management including, food/meals, home care, safety, EVERYTHING that a person does to maintain a person in their home. Seeking info to obtain court approved payment for my services that are over and above Guardian responsibilities. Other nonskilled, non licensed c/g's were paid per hour, As an RN, acting as Care Manager, Care Giver. Home care Manager, the role has been 24/7 and has prohibited me from obtaining employment elsewhere as an RN.

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See an elder care attorney at once, because there is a whole lot that you now need to learn regarding your new position as sole guardian. This is all new to you, but you wanted it and now you have it, and your first year is going to be hard to arrange all that must now be arranged.
You cannot be paid by anyone who is incompetent to make a care contract with you. Your payment as guardian and caregiver will go according to the law in your area at this time and will amount to a very small amount of the total assets of your father.
There is no way for us to get paid a living wage for in home caregiving of our own families that I know of currently anywhere in the United States.
It is crucial now that your elder's assets be wisely used. I believe that means in facility care unless he has almost unlimited funds. I am speaking in terms of millions of dollars. You are currently made sole guardian.
You need a primer on what that means legally, so do consult an elder law attorney. THAT is paid for by your elders funds, but you need to know now how to handle every penny in and every penny out of your Dad's accounts, and to have good proof of same. If your father has an huge estate you should consider a licensed fiduciary to manage care.
Sure do wish you good luck. You fought to get this caregiving job and now you have it, and wow, it is a massive job to take on in so many levels from financial to medical.
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Caregiver626 Feb 2023
This began in 2021, I added history to explain how. I have knowledge of guardianship rules, roles, responsibilities, Have had atty since onset. Brother is conservator now too, I did not fight for this responsibility - it needed to be enacted due to 'near' financial exploitation by his wife. Which could have left him penniless and we would have had to press criminal charges against her - a felony - with questionable chance of having funds returned. So we averted that scenario by gaining emergency G&C to lock down his control of $, pending eval for disability - finding mid stage Alz/Dementia. The 24/7 care provision in all its forms as roles for me to perform, supervise, plus medical and home management has been consuming. My life 'jumped track' and changed to be life on 'my dads life track' on 8/29/22. I felt I had no other conscientious choice - or I could not fathom living with myself if I had made any other choice at that time. I had no idea how it would evolve but knew it would in time or with certain circumstances - as it has done.
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Lot's of hours and dedication to the process. I would see an elder attorney. I hope that he has endless funds, home care is way expensive.

Trying to put the horse behind the cart at this time, being guardian doesn't mean one has to take care of another in home care.

His wishes are one thing, reality of the situation is another.

Wish you the best!
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Caregiver626 Feb 2023
Right! But tis is how it 'shook out' at the end of that hearing, - as a daughter with unique skills, I returned him to his home in consideration of his life ling wishes, realizing it was 'my' comittment - where else would he have been taken??? As his guardian I had a responsibility to him -and I always will as long as I remain as guardian. Its about drawing the line of distinction between guardian and 'family' care. The dual role has muddied the division of duties
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I think what you would get paid should have been worked out in court. Seems like Dad has the money. But as said you need a written agreement with him and he is not capable of doing that. Me, I would place him in a nice Memory Care. There will come a point where he will not even recognize his own home. He will want to go where he grew up or his very first home. I agree, you need an elder lawyer.
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Caregiver626 Feb 2023
I added to the post w/history to be clear of how I have arrived in this place ...
I had no way of knowing the wife would abandon him requiring him to have 24/7 care or placement.... so no 'care contract' was even considered in advance - this is what court will need to know and consider. He continues to say 'I want to go home'. Spouse says it means 'home with her -that she is his 'home'. I know differently b/cause he always said he did not mean his wifes house - He NEVER resided there except for the time she kept him there and would not return him to his home - until it was court ordered and she abandoned him then. I have had the same atty since 2021 - I believe she has represented us (for dads best interests) very well. Once in the court system as G & C, will always remain there until he passes. All because of the spouse greed and manipulation of him for years and esp past few years of his most notable cognitive decline.
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At a first quick glance your story seemed one of stepping in to help & needs escalating past what you could reasonable do.
So.Much.More.

This a real success story of Advocatcy in Action.

Greedy spouse stopped.
Emergency care for Dad found.
A long term MC home found, for a sustainable care plan.
All the Guardian & legal 'stuff' in order.

I am relieved for you about the MC arrangement. I had the impression you wanted to keep Dad at home? But even with your nursing, community & legal knowledge, as you know first hand, running a Home for One is a full-time business. It would indeed keep your life in 'Dad's track' & leave little life for you.. or time for paid work. The burden too great.

I think you should be congratulated. For all that you have done & doing. It has been a tremendous gift of your time, energy & heart.

I wish you success with monetary compensation for it but if this does not eventuate, may you consider it the necessary gift you had to give - because you cared, because you are you.

I hope you stick around as I am sure your knowledge will help others.
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HX; in 2021 - My brother (dads POA prior to his legal disability) was notified by dads investing firm that dad & spouse arrived to withdraw ALL his funds from ALL his accounts- to write a check in HER name- to take to HER bank and deposit that day. Dad was confused- didnt recognize the staff and could not read/understand the info charts. staff had never seen the wife. The firm had flagged dads account as 'vulnerable' d/to his confusion during the prior review. We went to county atty and were advised to apply for emergency conservator and guardian pending emergency hearing-to lock down his funds until further disability eval. As his Health POA , 1 month prior he had a neuro psych eval and results were consistent with significant cognitive impairment. 3 months later after spouse contesting both of us (said it was on dads behalf), court awarded co-guardian to me and spouse, & brother as conservator. 9 months later, I had grounds to motion her removal as co-guardian and court agreed. She had moved him to her own home in another city, was not feeding him, cleaning him, refused to allow me to take him to Dr when sick, and refused to return him to his own home where he had informed judge prior to his disability ruling (Dx Alz/Dementia), that he wanted to live and die., Her atty requested a continuance to prepare and we agreed contingent that he be returned to his home until the final hearing in 3 weeks. This is when spouse said she was not returning to live with him as she had for 16 years, and said "you can take him now." So I left courthouse with my 92 yo disabled father/ assuming 24/7 care of him in his home - I had not lived with him for over 40 years and d/to spouse always 'covering' and answering for him, did not know his full cognitive status and level of physical dependencies. I alone provided 672 hours of 24/7 care in first 28 days, a 5 month total of 2044 hours of direct care giving, home management, hired/managed a team of 24/7 caregivers in effect for 4 months. It took over my life, was a constant job, was on call & covered all vacancies plus all entailed to maintain him in his home. Between this, other safety issues, and his loss of realization he was in his home, it was clear 'home' was not best and caregivers were unsustainable, so he was recently placed into a Memory Care facility. To be clear, Dads 'near elder financial exploitation', set all this in motion originally, not 'sought' nor desired, but were necessary for his protection -financially and physically. The court has clearly realized his vulnerability and has noted the 'leader' of this cascade and ensuing conflicts to be caused by spouse and have noted the effect on dad. None the less, my atty has agreed that it is just to request compensation over and above the guardian amount. The hearing date will be set soon. I am gathering data in support of additional compensation as for the past 5 months I have provided care and services in excess of 'usual guardian oversight'. The atty will need to provide my proof so the court will realize the unusual circumstances leading to my need to assume 24/7 care for him at the moment we left the courthouse after wife abandoned him there. Most importantly, dad is adjusting to the MC, receiving PT,OT, socializing, and is safe and secure there. Wifes 1st visit to MC on2/14/23- LSW had to intervene to stop her twice d/to her less than therapeutic convo and behavior. So should her inappropriate actions continue I will be advocating for dad to seek supervised visitation as next step. ALL THIS ORIGINATED Because Spouse was taking advantage of my dads cognitive decline for access to his $ and assets (near miss for Financial exploitation). She is a legal wife, a proven covert narcissist, uses all the techniques incl. 'hurt victim' -obviously she is not about him or his needs. Right- court may say I dont qualify for pay as a guardian, even tho all other c/gs were paid- court has last say - no one will advocate for me- except me.
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AlvaDeer Feb 2023
Thank you for such a complete rundown of what happened to your Dad, and to you. It is an amazing, amazing story. We are told that guardianship fights often run to the 10s of 1,000s and I cannot imagine that your did not. We are sometimes informed that court costs can be charged to the "losing party". I would love to know if this is the case for you.
I wish you good luck and am so glad your Dad is now in care and that you are now his guardian.
This is a good warning to others. But again, I think few have the dollars needed for these long court fights, and in those cases the elder is the loser.
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My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and I moved in that day to care for him and my mom who had dementia.

We brought in their trust and estate attorney a week later who suggested I take over as their trustee, and AT THAT MEETING my dad insisted I be paid for my caregiving. He was still competent and the lawyer was a witness to his request, so after Dad died I reluctantly wrote a check to myself for my time.

I'm not quite sure that can happen for you since your dad isn't competent to pay you. You certainly deserve the pay if it's keeping you from working. Consult an attorney, because that might be the least of your issues. What happens to Dad's money when he dies -- does the spouse who abandoned him get it?
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Caregiver626 Feb 2023
There is a trust in effect since 1990's. I am 1 of 3 sibling trustees. Dads trust is still revocable, but d/to his disability, and another Trust trustee as conservator, I am seeking legal advice for the division of roles for conservator and trustee - when 1 trustee holds both these roles - clear up the gray areas - so that we are clear how far the reach/control is for each of these roles.
PLUS - the court is involved, and always will be now. And d/to legal Guardianship, and set compensation by law, this question will need to be addressed by a court. Possible less contentious using this venue vs relying on support for pay considering interpersonal trustee relationships. Its all still between a rock and a hard place.
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Follow advice of the attorney. You will need to back to court to get approval for payment for the tasks you do. Do you have siblings? If so, this could be an expensive and contentious process.

You cannot negotiate a contract with yourself.
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Where are each of Dad’s legally assigned caregivers in respect to “Honoring his expressed wish to remain in his home”, and when did he express that wish?

If it were in fact actually to his advantage to be placed in a quality residential care setting, could that choice be considered?

“….wants to stay in his/her home….” is something that most multiply disabled elderly have said in the course of losing the ability to care and manage for their own affairs, and the consequences of the statement for family members and the individuals themselves, are obviously serious for all involved.

If safe, humane care is accessible in another setting, try to keep it on the table as a viable option when Dad becomes unable to make rational choices concerning his lifestyle.

Or is he already there?
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