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Me and my sister currently take care of my mom sharing her care on a monthly basis. It's not easy check with an elder care lawyer and see what your options are before committing. There's alot involved with caring for your mom yourself. Good luck
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Do not move her in.

If she does not qualify for Medicaid, that means she has some remaining assets which need to be spent on her care before she qualifies for Medicaid.

Medicare will not help with living costs or adult day care
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Just don’t do it. Make every effort to get her accommodations & care elsewhere. The siblings need to cooperate on this. And you have received much good advice here, too. Best of luck: your life has to come first.
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Please don't depend on your sister to tell you about Medicaid and long-term care. Consult with an attorney who is versed in Medicaid issues. It can be quite tricky.
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Donatella6 Apr 2022
exactly, sad to say but your relatives may be telling you this tale about Medicaid so that you will take her in. It is a huge undertaking and I'm sure you can work it out that she applies for Medicaid. It could be as simple as some of your relatives want to keep some cash for themselves when she passes. This just doesn't make sense
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In reading the responses you have already gotten, I think you see the need to check with a certified elder attorney. If I were you I would check on Medicaid benefits for both states as one might be a better fit than the other as state requirements to access benefits can be different as well as some states provide more funds for care. Remember Medicaid is managed by the state. Medicare is federal.

To answer your posted question, Medicare has a home bound program that will allow your mom a weekly nurse visit and a couple of visits per week from a CNA for baths. PT, OT and speech therapy can be provided as needed. Home based blood draws, urine tests etc can be done. But your mom may be beyond this stage of care and being home alone during the day after being in an ALF might be especially lonely for her. It might work for awhile but you would soon be needing to find alternate arrangements. I would drill down on exactly where mom is on her needs and her finances. Those are the two factors that she must meet to qualify for Medicaid. She must be medically in need and financially in need. If she has more income than the state limit, there are usually ways around that. Again, the rules and procedures are different depending on the state. The bigger problem will be is if her POA has used her funds in a way that delays her acceptance by Medicaid. You won’t know until you see the response from the Medicaid application as to what the problem is. Don’t assume anything, just deal with the facts. I would not delay meeting with the attorney if mom is low on finances. A good attorney well versed in Medicaid can be expensive but well worth the cost if they get mom placed where she can be cared for.

Make sure you get moms POA if she is cognitively able to assign. Don’t leave that with the sibling if you are in effect taking over the management of her care. Good luck and let us know how it goes.
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reallyfedup Apr 2022
As far as I understand it right now, if your mother has a home do not transfer title into to a trust or to a trustee in an attempt to qualify for Medicaid.
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I believe if you’re mom has no health issues you can’t get any assistance from Medicare. I don’t know if they have these where you live we have senior housing which is based on income and they are small one bedroom apartments all on one level and some of them include utilities however most of them do not have washers and dryers in them there’s usually a community one in the middle of the complex
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Ok so, if mom has annuities that have to be used up BEFORE she qualifies for Medicaid, great: then she CONTINUES to live in Assisted Living, cashes OUT those annuities and pays for her care out of pocket from the annuities to do so. This keeps her OUT of your house during the time period it takes to use up the annuity funds. THEN she can qualify for Medicaid. She's using up your 'inheritance', but really, that's what HER money SHOULD be used for: Her care while she is alive; not to be saved for children's inheritances.

BUT, go talk to a CELA first, naturally, and don't take our word for anything! This is just something I'm telling you from personal experience, after having used POA for my parents since 2014, cashed out their life savings (in stocks) and used that $$$ to finance their care in AL ever since. Mom was due to run out of $$$ in August and I was going to apply for Medicaid at that time, but she wound up passing away in February. All she would have had left was her SSI monthly and her VA Aid & Attendance widow's benefits which weren't enough to finance her $7K a month costs in Memory Care AL.

So, what are you going to experience having mom live with you that you haven't a clue about? Tons of things, TONS and TONS of things. Loss of privacy being the #1 thing, and being responsible for another human being 100% like it was when we were first mothers back in the day (if you were in that position, IDK). It's an overwhelming feeling, to say the least. PLEASE let mom spend all of her annuity funds to finance her care in AL and have her own place, her own autonomy, and you can continue living your own life, having your own ONE full time job instead of TWO, and that's that. Speak to the lawyer and get the scoop about what to do after she runs out of $$$$, and go from there. By then, she may need a lot of help with ADLs (activities of daily life) and she'll be more than ready for Skilled Nursing.

Wishing you the best of luck coming up with Plan B & C to keep mom living in AL for as long as possible.
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Wow! You all have been fantastic!! I previously reached out to a high school classmate who is now the Executive Director for a state agency on aging. He has given me resources to contact a SHIP Counselor to request assistance with the Medicaid paperwork. I am more determined than ever to help her stay where she is (in the ALF) and not cause any more undue chaos and confusion ... for any of us. I cannot tell you just how much I appreciate your comments, insight and candor. My concern about the option of moving her to my home has been validated 100%. Moving forward to a different path!! THANK YOU!!!!
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Until YOU hear it from a CELA-certified lawyer in YOUR state, mom may be able to qualify for Medicaid. Don't take someone else's word for it and donrely on old information.

Period.

Family "steps up" in an emergency to advocate, arrange and facilitate. Not to have their lives hijacked.
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KayCee111 Apr 2022
You absolutely cleared the forest for me on that! :-) A million thanks. I hear you loud and clear and appreciate you tremendously!
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Please rethink this. Find out why she doesn't qualify for Medicaid and see what other options there are besides living with you.

Sure family steps up and looking into help for her qualifies as stepping up. Sacrificing your life....and that is exactly what you are proposing...is not part of stepping up.
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KayCee111 Apr 2022
Point taken and very much appreciated. You make perfect sense and I appreciate that you cleared my path with your insight! Exactly what I was hoping for by posting here. THANK YOU!
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Oh crikey. I really *wouldn't*...

First of all: you think your sister may not have explained to your mother that your mother's (supplemental) money has run out. Your sister says that your mother does not qualify for Medicaid. Your sister has experienced the rough end of the stick when your mother feels restricted and forgotten (I'm not sure I fully understand what you mean by this, but I get the gist I think). So either your sister has POA for your mother but is not informing your mother; or your sister does NOT have POA for your mother and has a headache from trying to manage regardless; and your sister steers clear of your mother while you see your mother face-to-face but, I imagine, not for long or very often...

It's got "hot mess" written all over it. And you want to take it home?

Are you on good terms with your sister?

You need:
- a detailed financial assessment
- all the information about day care and in-home support options beforehand, and not after she's moved in
- to consider ALFs near you
- a detailed care needs assessment

And with those things then you can think about it.

So what does your sister plan to do next, if indeed it is within her authority to do anything? How, why, did it become up to you to plan the next move?
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KayCee111 Apr 2022
This is an extremely HOT MESS! You are right!! I won't put everything out here but you speak to many of my concerns about what's really going on. She does have POA, but there has been no accountability. I can only imagine how much she dreaded having to bring this all up again. I absolutely do not have to take this on completely. I am redirecting my efforts 100% toward advocating, arranging and facilitating. You are a breath of fresh air -- thank you so very much!!
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Oops, Newbie mistake - replied to my comment by accident.
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You are going to possibly experience stress you've never imagined and your job possibly will be significantly affected. As far as Medicaid and qualifying for it, as long as she can medically qualify for SNF care, she definitely can qualify financially. Ask yourself a question, what do you think would happen if you or your siblings weren't around? Do you think the AL facility would just dump her to the curb? No, that wouldn't happen. They would get the state involved and they would find placement for her. You don't have to take her to your home, but if you do it likely will develop into a 24/7 where she will take up all your attention and energy.
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KayCee111 Apr 2022
You are absolutely right. I needed this awakening. Thank you for your honest opinions. This is very helpful.
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I just moved my parents out of state...so many things will be coming to you if you choose this path. Insurance changes were/are a nightmare. Finding doctors and specialists is difficult. Plan on a visit to the lawyer to make sure all legal documents are updated for the state in which she resides (if necessary)...make sure someone has POA for finances and health decisions (probably you). Change has been very difficult for my parents. Only one has dementia but getting used to the new location has been difficult for both of them. I’m new to this and it seems something new comes up almost daily. If it isn’t a new health concern, it’s a financial issue, or just something that has broken in their home. It all lands on my shoulders first. Just be ready for those kinds of responsibilities. The responsibilities list only seems to grow. Some people seem to handle that really well, others not so much. I’m not even sure where I land on that spectrum yet but my life has completely changed.
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KayCee111 Apr 2022
Indeed, everyone handles change differently and I'm not too sure I handle it the best. You really speak to very real concerns and I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. Extremely helpful!!
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KayCee, welcome!

You are "told by" a sibling that mom doesn't qualify for Medicaid?

Why is that?

Do you have POA for finances and Health care for your mom?

Why would you undertake her care if you don't have a full understanding of her finances and health?

What will you do if, after you've moved her in, you discover you can't leave her alone?

Can you afford to quit your job and care for her with no income coming in?

Settle ALL of these issues (what her health is like, what she qualifies for, how much she will pay for rent and caregiving) BEFORE she moves in.


Please.
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KayCee111 Apr 2022
Thank you BarbBrooklyn! My sibling lives 25 miles away from Mom at this point and has handled the brunt of this the past 5 years. I think it's time to step up if they are willing to let go of at least some of the responsibility. However, everything has been held very tight to the chest and no details are forthcoming. We started this conversation a year ago, and they looked into Medicaid. Mom had annuities that she used to supplement her SS and it was stated that until the annuities were exhausted, Medicaid wasn't an option. Mom doesn't have any serious health issues, other than her body is worn out. She still walks with a walker and gets around well. Yes, that can change in a heartbeat. I would get very deep into the details before going this route and this issues was just re-presented less than 24 hours ago. I was under the impression things had been worked out. I asked for info and questioned numerous times what I could do to be helpful. I didn't get much, if any response. That's not my Mom's fault. No, I cannot afford to quit my job and care for her full time. You make the strongest point of all on that issue. This is exactly why I am here. I wanted this kind of feedback and I sincerely appreciate your candor and your cautions!! Thank you!!!
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Just do not do this. Medicare will only cover in home help, on a very limited (Medical need) basis after hospitalization.

Why put the target on your own back?
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KayCee111 Apr 2022
I guess I have a warped sense of responsibility toward her. It's as basic as she's my mom. Family steps up in these situations, right? She lives in South Dakota and the options are not plentiful there. I live in a major city and have access to a multitude of options. I also do not know how candid and forthcoming my sibling has been with Mom about her situation. I don't know if things have ever been explained to her or if she's just brushed aside. We have a candid relationship, but we don't have day-in, day-out exposure to each other. The old saying "familiarity breeds contempt" causes me to pause, but I'm also someone who often waits for the other shoe to drop. I appreciate your response. I came here for blunt no BS insight. I'm happy to receive your feedback.
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Let’s see. There’s gonna be the refusal to do anything because she’s old. Accusing you of stealing things. Bringing up something that happened in your childhood. The you owe me senior brat behavior.

Then there’s the doctors appointments, and the shopping. The depends. The falls.

One day it might not be just a uti, but actual dementia. She’ll get 100 times worse.
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KayCee111 Apr 2022
I don't need her to do anything, with the exception of being content. She won't bring up too much from my childhood because we have had a long road of dealing with that stuff head on. I am at peace with it and she claims to be also, but yes, I know that can change in a heartbeat and once I've taken this path, there probably isn't any turning back. She tends to have more of an "IOU" behavior because she wasn't always able to be there for me -- and that probably screams a lot. She had 5 kids, worked 3 jobs at a time, and did the very best she could with what she had to work with. My older sisters were my caregivers and there isn't a teenager in the world who is prepared or equipped for that. Hence, my tendency to wait for the other shoe to drop. Several of my coworkers have elderly parents and there is a foundational understanding that you go when they need you. However, I'm low on that totem pole and may not fare as well as the others if it begins to impact my work, and how can it not impact my work. (answering my own initial question, I know).
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