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But also, if you are is POA? This may sound kinda harsh. But maybe enforce that. If he's not making good decisions.
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Elder Attorney - you can call Legal Aid and find out of POA would automatically make you the beneficiary.

Is there no Secondary Beneficiary? Generally it would include all the children if no one person is named, to share equally.

Different states have different laws. I had a friend who became widowed and Pennsylvania refused to honor the New York will they had, so the widow only received 1/3 of the estate and the children (1) received the other 2/3 following the existing Pennsylvania laws at the time. And no, the child would not give to her mother what she knew her father had planned. So the widow only received 1/3 of what she was entitled to. Make the call to Legal Aid and find out what you need to do.
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This man will procrastinate into the grave. You have a power of attorney and you must, forcefully if need be, take over everything. Since he refuses, you must contact all the account holders and the insurance companies. You must tell them your mother is gone. As to the beneficiary, talk with them about this. I do think you have the right to make it payable to the estate. If you can find a way, talk to an elder care attorney to prevent problems down the road. He is not going to cooperate - he will slowly kill you with his bad behavior. Leave him out of the equations and now you take over. You will learn a lot about each account and how to handle things as a Poa. They will help you. And as to your sister, perhaps consider some kind of a letter, witnessed, as to your father's help to your sister. Another thing is this - involve her in the overall situation. She must do her part with your father. But start making calls and talk to an Elder Care specialist attorney. Also, contact the local Office on Aging in your county. They are there to help people in your situation. Also take his mail and don't let him see it (hopefully he won't miss it or you can say it hasn't come yet). And if he lives in dirt and refuses help, tell him he is to get it cleaned up, with help, or you will put him somewhere. That hopefully will shake him up enough to allow help.
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Keep in mind that attorney-client privilege only applies to private communications with an attorney. Any other criminal activity you reveal or discuss in-person, or in writing, —even in a forum like this —can be discoverable in a legal proceeding.
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I'm in The same boat you are. You have my empathy...
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Cindy1123 Jul 2019
Me too, and my mom always talks about getting a will and who is going to be exuator, but it changes daily depending on who she is mad at
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Your father is being foolish. In conversation inform him that whatever state he lives in will have a field day figuring out all of his affairs especially financial affairs as he has no will. Inform him that the only people guaranteed to make money ( by taking his for legal fees) are attorneys. (No offense to attorneys here).

Often elderly folks understand better if they think their hard earned $ will go to anyone but the family.
Try one last time to appeal to his pragmatism.

My brother just just passed away in NJ. He was not indigent but not considered below the poverty level due to his SS.

I have been on the phone daily dealing with one detail and then another. He had no will. He had no “estate” as defined by the state.

You on the other hand will be inundated with much much more. It’s been almost a month for us & I can’t take it anymore. He bought a used truck in March that I am trying to figure out what to do with - and that’s the end. (I think.....lol). It’s beat the clock too - his insurance ends 7/19. It’s crazy! You can’t stop to grieve.

Please don’t stop trying to get your father to an Estate Attorney before he is deemed unable to make such decisions.

Try the “fib” that with no will his money will be tied up for years and depleted by additional costs for everything but it’s his choice. Let him know how bad a choice not having a will actually is - nothing but trouble for those who remain.

Research an established Estate & Inheritance firm & have his ppwk ready - IRS tax filings, everything so if the attorneys request it you will have it.

I hope your father agrees sooner rather than later.
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Katsmihur Jul 2019
I’ve had this conversation many times with my Mom. She keeps saying that I’ll get everything, as she has a will. But my issue is with her not sharing reverse mortgage info, her banks, etc. I’ll have to dig around in her papers, I guess, when the time comes, to get have the information I’ll need.
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I don't care who or why - PROCRASTINATION IS SIMPLY UNACCEPTABLE. I don't know all the answers but in this case, you must find out what you must do and ENFORCE THE NEW RULES - no matter what happens or what it costs or heaven help you. Some people are pure, stupid, selfish idiots and make everyone around them suffer. Seek out the advice of specialists who deal with old people and then do whatever it takes.
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sandy1955 Jul 2019
This is a support group. Why is this kind of response necessary when someone asks for advice?
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I am the original poster of this question. I want to sincerely thank everyone who has weighed in here. You all have helped me a lot. Shortly after I posted the question, he wound up hospitalized again for a few days. I then invaded his almighty privacy by looking through files and making a list of accounts. I have an appointment with an elder law attorney this week. I invited him to come along, and I expected some angry push-back. Dad has no interest in going but says he is happy to dump everything on me, just do what I see fit. RIGHT. So, I'll listen to the attorney, probably by myself, and get some clarity about something, anything. That's far ahead of where I was a month ago, in terms of my own inner turmoil. Thank you so much for being my support group.
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Hi, Calgirl. Good for you for making an appointment with an elder law attorney. Here are a few things to keep in mind: 1) In this situation, a good (read: ethical) attorney will realize and tell you quickly that your father has to meet with the attorney for the attorney to do work for your father. That is, for the attorney to do your father's estate planning, your father has to be the client. So you might want to start out by saying, "I'd like my father to have estate planning done. Do you have any suggestions for getting him to meet with you or another lawyer?" 2) Don't go into details about your father's financial accounts if your father isn't at the meeting. 3) If you're pretty sure your father won't meet with this lawyer, tell the lawyer that you're concerned about protecting yourself financially and ask for advice about how to do so. Then, if you choose to become the client, the lawyer can tell you things you can do and not do (e.g., pluses and minuses of being put onto bank accounts, doing your own estate planning, not signing anything that would make you personally liable for your father's obligations).

I hope it goes well.
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