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I suspect boorish behavior comes about as a result of an older person losing their dignity, their status in life, their hearing, vision and physicality and being vulnerable and sometimes helpless to get back any control of their lives. You don't have to be elderly to have those dynamics affect someone in a negative way. My father, who was a powerhouse before he aged became angry and frustrated when he became dependent in his 90s. He was not a pleasant man to be around but kindness seemed to soften him a lot. Now that I am 70 I know exactly why he felt the way he did.
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Mom can do a lot, but she's forgotten HOW to do things
she did all her life.
Sewing
Crochet
Knitting
Cooking
Painting
Playing cards or scrabble
Dominos
Chess
If I suggest we do an activity together... "I don't feel like it".
If I suggest that she needs a little sun... same thing
She only wants me to be at arms length.
I am in another room, typing this out, feeling guilty because she's watching TV alone. We spent the day out and about, ate, she napped while I watered my plants, cooked, served, cleaned up, and I am tired. I said: I'll be back in a while. She moaned quietly in disappointed tone.
Another 30 minutes for me, and I will be back to her, to give her the night time meds.
She's easy going, but oh so clingy.
M88
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Mulata when my Mom's world became smaller because of diminished cognitive abilities she told me often that I was like her lifeline.Its kind of sad when a person's life becomes so limited. You almost can't blame them for being clingy.
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I gasp and catch my breath sometimes when I realize how much control of my life I have lost. It is terrifying. I fell many times before I realized that the reason I was falling was my peripheral vision has been affected. I guess someone could have thrown me in a nursing home which is what happens when seniors start to fall...kids rush them right in!!!! but I was able to determine how to adapt when you don't have that vision. I learned I have to pick my feet up higher to step up and I have to be careful when I get really tired and am walking. I also learned that I should never have both hands full. This is just one tiny adaptation I needed to accomplish in order to get control of my body back. So who but me would have taken the time to determine why I was falling? EVERY child that is determined to take care of an elderly mother needs to take a six week class in aging. I took one when my mother and dad were aging and it just opened my mind. There are many reasons why seniors don't act the way their kids want them to. If you love them before you give them over to some unrelated, uncaring health care professional do a little critical thinking!!
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My critical thinking showed me that my mother with her dementia which was so bad that she would not work with PT to learn to walk again after breaking her hip and thus unable to walk, that the best place for her was a nursing home where she did have caring health care from professionals. Sorry, but you paint with too broad a brush and I do not except your condemning, self-righteous remarks. This is a site to support each other and not to run other people down.
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cmagnum I think maybe you are being a bit harsh with ginger. I don't think she was condemning anybody. She was just stating her opinion. I usually agree with what you say cmagnum but in this case I think you are running someone down instead of being supportive. Just my opinion though.
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thank you cmagnum - It is just my opinion and it is just my aging process and my experience of having been a care giver and now in some ways needing some one to care for me. If I sound angry I guess it is because I am. I grew up in an age when the older generation were respected for the wisdom and life experience they brought to the table. The generation before me kept the older folks in the home. It is not a secret that this kindness and gratitude is rare these days. It is well known by the socially aware that women in particular are the majority of long term patients in nursing homes. Not that they necessarily belong there but retired women made less money than men and in-home care and assisted living is too expensive. They basically end up in nursing homes because they are poor. Our society has forgotten about them. Women who age virtually become invisible to this society. I would like to see a lot more funding and support for low-income elderly women and senior citizens in general and children of these hapless victims do as much as possible before they toss them into a long care facility. I am very jaded about those facilities but I come by it honestly and I do not feel 90 percent of nursing homes are a good place for any human or animal to be placed. It is not a loving, caring place where those destitute elderly women are helped to have the highest quality of life. In the process of taking care of my mother and father I found many dedicated, caring intelligent health care professionals but too often I ran into just the opposite and had I known before hand they never would have been allowed to lay a hand on any of my loved ones. Children of elderly parents need to take the time to assure that the people caring for their parents are qualified and are in the healthcare field because they want to help and not just to have power over a vulnerable human being. I have no problem with people who have had a different experience putting it down here. But, I have a right to express my opinion equally.
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