This is long, if you make it through all this, thank you! I am being accused of financial elder abuse by my grandma for stealing her inheritance, which I did not do. In Q1 2018 she received an inheritance of $100k, she called me crying and freaked out because she is on HUD, Medi-Cal, IHSS, SSI, etc and she did not want to lose her benefits. I told her to contact an Estate Attorney and she refused because she clearly did not want to handle this above-board. Somehow she had the trustee of the Estate send a check for her inheritance to me. I received and deposited the check and told my grandma that I would find a way that was legal for her to use this money via trust or something. Grandma lost it at this point, screaming at me that I was trying to control her money and that if I don't go to the bank right now and pull out $100k in cash and give it to her then I'm a thief. I tried to explain to her that I can't just go pull out that much, I'd likely get reported by the bank and I'd have to provide answers. She would call me all hours of the night screaming at me to give her her money. So I did. Over a few months I pulled out $10k at a time, to avoid being reported by the bank, and I gave it all to her in cash. She was keeping this money in her apartment, which had been broken into a few times, and various safe deposit boxes.
Fast forward to now and I start getting calls from her accusing me of having over $100k of her money. I don’t have any of her money. I try to tell her that and she just screams at me so I hang up as she won’t hear anything I try to say. A week later I received a demand letter in the mail from an attorney she hired, demanding I provide a full accounting of the inheritance and return her money or else they will file with APS. I sent them my bank statements and I explained I don’t have any of her money. have not heard back and now I am wondering if I should contact APS myself to get ahead of this. My grandma had had several APS cases opened in the past for her behavior and abuse of medications, I have spoke with her case worker in the past and have a good report with her. Im worried because I have no proof that I actually gave the cash to my grandma other than the cash withdrawals on my bank statements. I do have her IHSS caretakers testimony that she has been abusing her meds, generally confused, and accusing him of stealing from her as well. I also have testimony from the Estate trustee that my grandma wanted the money in cash. I never signed anything agreeing to any terms regarding the inheritance either.
There’s also the issue of fraud here. Any suggestions on how to navigate that? My grandma told me that she did not claim her inheritance as an asset on the last two years of financial statements. She also never claimed a large settlement she received from Walmart years ago.
Sorry for the rambling... I’m truly at a loss here and dealing with my grandma is very difficult as she also had NPD on top of what I think is mild dementia and her substance abuse.
If it matters, I have DPOA of her and she added me as a joint member on her bank account at one point and I never once touched her accounts, the bankers at her bank would testify to that. I was added as joint because apparently you can’t have a beneficiary to a safe deposit box. She wanted me to have access to her box if she died. There’s a signature log each time the box is accessed and I never accessed it.
Your gma sounds like a thoroughly evil person. I would not be POA for such a person
SoFrustrated, the attorney who seemed to be having problems with math used a tactic of attorneys: take a position, don't elaborate but tempt the person who will respond to open the door and VOLUNTEER information.
One version is to make a statement that's not quite true, more or less challenging the other person (you) to offer more information to explain and justify your position.
Whether the attorney is math qualified is irrelevant; attorneys have staff and bookkeepers who could do the addition. This guy planned it so that you would volunteer information.
I don't fault you for not seeing this trap; most people wouldn't. Just don't volunteer any more information.
You've gotten a lot of advice, and I think it's a good time to move forward with your plans to protect yourself, and find an experienced attorney in a firm with multiple practice areas so that each of the relevant concerns and aspects of the situation can be addressed.
And go camping again! This weekend, preferably. It may have been difficult to "clear your head" before, so you'll have to work on it. I hope there are some good camping areas near you, and that you can find the peace you need to move forward, with whatever you and your new attorney feel are appropriate.
BTW, please check your PMs.
he’s not sending her a certified letter on law firm letterhead with his bar #, but by email.
Paying for a lawyer’s ‘frightener’ letter is a cheap, common and often effective strategy, and lawyers don’t investigate whether the allegations are true. I have dealt with my appalling father’s allegations against my mother, grandfather, me or my sisters for most of my life (since to my own primary school principal) so I have runs on the board in dealing with it, and you are not the only one with crooked family members. Stay away from Grandma and close to your coming baby. Lots of love, Margaret
You usually are a sensible and helpful poster, and I don't tell lies. What’s going wrong here? Do you think that the site is hacked by someone else with your user name? I hope you are OK yourself.
I had been in a holding pattern until now. Can her attorney further pursue this given that I have provided statements? I have found an attorney that will represent me but I haven't paid the retainer yet because I didn't want to pay for one if I could squash this without one. I'm trying to save for my maternity leave this summer and this expense is going to be devastating to me.
GM is also still collecting HUD, IHSS, and Medi-Cal benefits through all of this. I have been so tempted to report this to the appropriate agencies but I realize this would seem vindictive on my part. I haven't contacted APS nor have I been contacted by them at this point.
As recommended, I was able to find the case files for the WalMart lawsuit online, which I paid to download. Looks like she got $25k in 2014. I was not able to find the documents for the Estate online, however.
I would not hire on the lawyer; I am thinking the lawyer already understands grandma better than he/she ever wanted to. She is playing around. Let her. And WITHDRAW yourself from her completely, letting her know you will not be back until you come back for her promise to stop this ridiculous behavior and apologize fully. PERIOD. Exclamation point! Now just get out there and enjoy life. You have done what you can. I suspect this is going nowhere. Continue to collect all the materials you are able in one folder. Good luck and THANK YOU FOR UPDATING us. I have thought about you.