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I really feel your pain. I have been going through this for a couple years now with my 91 year old Mom who has moderate-severe dementia. I dreaded shower days too and they made me really anxious. Her deep fear of getting a shower can be really frustrating especially since she is so prone to UTI's. She use to get angry, sad, mad, refused, cry a lot and would fight it hard. She has become wheel chair bound since around April. We get her in the wheel chair and wheel her right into the walk-in shower. It takes two of us but we get it done so as someone suggested maybe hiring an aide with experience with showers would help. Having two people seemed to have calmed my Mom a little. For one thing the shower was finished faster and we both try to distract her as much as we can. I have used the no rinse shower caps as others have suggested. They work but I feel as one of the other responders do that you really need running water to get hair clean. I have read other sites that suggest candles, music, etc. Right! My Mom would have thrown them at me. I don't believe in forcing our loved ones into the shower nor a strong hand as someone suggested. We all know showers are critical and we do the best we can and if I get her in once a week I consider it a good week. Sometimes it just doesn't happen. My Mom will never tolerate a shower but my goal is to be able to give her one without tears. So I could not provide you with any answers but I thought knowing that someone else has this same problem might be a little comforting. And I wouldn't pay any attention to a couple of the answers you received. I think you are doing quite wonderful with your 103 year old precious Mom!
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A couple of suggestions:
1 - Invest in only a shampoo that she can also use on her body. This eliminates the "which one is shampoo" issue.
2 - Consider dry shampoos as well as shampoo caps - products that clean her hair without using the tub.
3 - Change the time of her shower/bath. Most folks with dementia are less anxious in the earlier parts of the day (before dinner). She might be "braver" in the morning.
4 - Talk with her doctor about her anxiety about water, tub, shower... She might benefit from a mild anti-anxiety medication given 1 hour before bath/shower time.
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https://www.rehabmart.com/product/inflatable-hair-washing-basin-47832.html
i used this for my Mom EZ Care - Inflatable Shampoo Basin for bed , my Mom like it and didnt leak
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If her hair is short and fine, a warm water saturated bath towel wrap/soak followed by a dry towel rub might be enough to rinse off the oil (?)
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As a professional beautician specializing in hair services for seniors, I'd recommend 2 things :
- a portable/rollable shampoo bowl. Don't want to make any promo, but here is a model I would recommend (https://www.walmart.com/ip/Costway-Pro-Portable-Shampoo-Basin-Height-Adjustable-Salon-Hair-Treatment-Bowl-Black/136958379)
- use a traveling hairstylist who can shampoo and style your mom's hair once a week. I know I offer reasonable prices and there are a one or two online platforms out there, where you can book a local hairstylist coming to you and trying to keep prices affordable.
I know this solve only the pb of the shampoo, but I know from experience it makes the shower a lot easier.
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