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Ninimoffat thank you for prayers. Take care of yourself too. One day you’ll look up and the world and friends have moved on. That’s what I miss the most. Having time for my friends. Best wishes for your journey in caregiving.
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Sorry, I really didn't address the question of your thread.

Yes, I definitely was burned out as Dad approached the end of life, much more so than before as I knew what was coming. Even though I decided to focus on making his life as rewarding as it could during the time remaining, I still feel I fell short b/c I was so physically and emotionally exhausted. But I did the best I could, especially in finding a good facility for him, in helping with the dysphagia care, in working closely with and sometimes demanding explanations or changes if I didn't agree with some aspect of the care. And that takes an emotional toll in itself.

Anticipatory grief is I think inherent in caring for someone at the end of life. In retrospect, I would say again - say what you need to say so that you don't have regrets. Put other life issues aside; he's a higher priority.

And don't plan a lot of work for post death activities. You may be so overcome that thoughts aren't clear and planning is difficult. If you can, identify what immediate tasks have to be done, start them if you can, and when he's gone, remember those that need to be immediately addressed and those that can be deal with later.
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Jellybean, you definitely have had a challenging, busy, consuming and demanding time managing your father's affairs. I wouldn't deny that the stress you feel is yours alone. I think most caregivers experience it at one level or another, and it is probably very common among caregivers. In addition, it does seem to get worse as end of life becomes closer.

But look what you've given him. For each task that has tried your mental and physical health, think of the rewards that it's brought to your father. And YOU accomplished that, you enabled it to happen so that his end of life experience could be better.

And now he is in fact approaching that stage. What I would do if I had to do it over again is what I actually did.

I focused on my father, on reminiscing if he wanted to, of just talking (father to daughter and daughter to father), of how much I learned from him, how much I admire his skills, and especially his self taught knowledge of metal and woodworking. I'd especially address how much I admire his tenacity, his determination, will and strength to overcome obstacles. And, especially important, what a basically good person and good father he is.

Don't forget to tell him that you were able to accomplish the things you've done for him because of the contributions he's made to your life. He enabled you to be the caring daughter that you are. And say those things soon; I was unprepared for how quickly my father would lost the desire and ability to speak.

Other than basic tasks at home, let the others go; there will be time for them after his life has ended. And the time from now on is better spent on something that can't be done later, and that's to spend time with your father.

Your last sentences attest to the love and pride you feel for being his daughter. Let those be the words he remembers as he drifts through the remaining time he has.
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I pray for you and your Dad, for the ease that might come now with days that are numbered. I'm caring for my 92 yr old Mom who's in great health (takes only supplements) and is very present, even though she has huge memory loss...and I'm OFTEN driven to anger and frustration. So I can only imagine. Kindness to both you and him ... there's nothing you can do about anticipating or experiencing loss. And months later when you think you've gotten over the sharp part, it will hit you all over again. See the child in yourself? especially the one that your Dad cherished. Blessings, Nicole
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